Canadian TV

kj · October 23, 2001 · Republished June 30, 2009

What is it about the Food channel that makes it so damned addictive?

No – seriously. Of all 100+ channels of digital cable bliss that are beamed into my living room, why is it the Food channel that keeps me glued to the couch? It’s gotten silly, really. I’ve even been caught watching the Naked Chef, rather than flipping to the 70’s porn channel, or the hedonistic travel show channel. Nope. Night after night it’s good old 43 that’s keeping me glued.

Consider the Iron Chef. This is a television show that could qualify as an Olympic sport. Sure – there may be those in the crowd who would have trouble considering Chen Kenichi an athlete, but folks —ping pong? Besides, that guy Ohta that runs around is enough athlete for all of us. Have you ever heard someone more excited about food preparation?

“Fukui-san! I have verified it – it is indeed a cream sauce!”

If nothing else, the Iron Chef folks should get an Emmy for their dubbing. That show is better dubbed than any foreign film I’ve ever seen. And that includes Greystoke.

So what is the addictive nature of the Food Network? Am I just a sukka for pukka tukka? Well, yeah, but that’s not the whole story. Like just about any other channel, there’s good, and there’s bad. Five minutes of Chef Rob Weenie, for instance, is enough to make you wish Big Brother was still on. Dude. We’re not birds. Try making food that isn’t served on a saucer.

Iron Chef. Naked Chef. Nigella Bites. Good Eats. What do these shows have in common that keeps me coming back? What’s the magic quality that keeps me glued to the set, while Canadian-made shows, Emeril, and Bobby Flay drive me to watch Star Trek reruns?

Two things. First, the good ones feel real. These shows don’t wimp out and use pre-chopped bowls of ingredients, or the old into-one-oven-and-out-of-the-other trick. “Sure you cooked that Flan. Whatever, pal. You’ve got Betty Crocker in the back room, don’t you?” These shows feature real-seeming people making real-seeming food.

Second, these shows know that I have a seven-second attention span. Good Eats is basically Bill Nye Makes Dinner. Give me a soundtrack. Give me cut-scenes. Don’t leave the camera in one place for too long. Start with real life, sure, but then edit the hell out of it. If Survivor has taught us anything, it’s that even the dullest schlepp can be made to look interesting with good editing. Wiggle that camera. Talk to me like I’m there. Remember that I have 106 other channels to choose from.

But the best part of all? Once the really addictive shows are over, and Chef Rob Weenie once again fills the screen, I turn the infernal boob tube off, and head into the kitchen to test out my new-found knowledge.

See? I knew Canadian Shows were good for something.

kj · PDDXVIII · Comments »