ARCHIMATECTS

Architecture will be done to you.

Evan Spence

1024
Go through your rolodexes and evaluate whether there are any opportunities to propose Design ' Build services.
1023
We installed the roof hatch access ladder in the wrong location.
1022
How could you promise this project for $175 per square foot?
1021
Industry standard for roof insulation is R40.
1020
I don't mean to play architect, but the different thicknesses of stucco are a little much.
1019
Which finish did you want?
1018
Construction budgets are a game to you.
1017
What's in Design ' Build for you.
1016
I'm not relenting on the SBS roof.
1015
Tinted glass wasn't in the budget. You have to defend the budget.
1014
Without competitive bidding, how does the client save with Design ' Build?
1013
Why do we put up with this Design ' Build horseshit?
1012
That looks like a tight little commercial project.
1011
I spent the morning uninstalling software.
1010
You look glum.
1009
Is that HardiePanel you're drawing there?
1008
That's a concise plan.
1007
Here Max are the schematic drawings for the mosque proposal, for pricing.
1006
Everyone, please meet Max Astragal, our new Director of Construction.
1005
Why would an architect want to be party to a contract where the contractor is the prime consultant and essentially the client?
1004
We're changing the tagline on our business cards to “Design ' Build.”
1003
I don't give a fuck what colour it is.
1002
Do you have the building code binder?
1001
This is the shittiest eave detail I've ever seen.
1000
Welcome to the thousandth Archimatects cartoon.
0999
Son, now that you're a registered architect, can you design me a house?
0998
The Velux skylight website says “working without an architect will save you money.”
0997
Coming to lunch with us today?
0996
Our contractor pointed out that I'd missed a belt loop on my pants.
0995
I'm exhausted today.
0994
I've received one of my reference letters.
0993
I got the joist layouts back from the TJI supplier.
0992
I need to assemble my letters of reference for the Association.
0991
Arquitectonica grossed over 31 million last year.
0990
Our projected receivables are down again.
0989
Let's start practicing sedation architecture.
0988
How close are you to registration?
0987
I like models. The client gets a building, the architect keeps an artifact of the process.
0986
Everything tastes better if you add butter.
0985
How are the Cubs doing this year?
0984
I'm going to redraw the lobby, to do a better job of bringing the outside in.
0983
Lego.
0982
What were Isaac Asimov's little-known Three Laws of Architecture?
0981
Almost every project goes through value engineering, but we never do any value architecting.
0980
Let's go over the rules again.
0979
I like your t-shirt featuring IRONIC HIPSTER BULLSHIT.
0978
Is a code of ethics necessary? Who does it protect?
0977
All my life I've wondered, what are the exceptions to the exclusive scope of architectural practice?
0976
Under what circumstances are you permitted to affix your architects seal to drawings?
0975
What's our best strategy for procuring new commissions?
0974
Who's your favourite comedian?
0973
Realty and architecture aren't so different.
0972
Why aren't we realtors?
0971
Doesn't the RAIC Syllabus seem overlong?
0970
…and what of the RAIC Syllabus?
0969
I'm so happy we have a building that cants out over the setback.
0968
Congratulations on your new job, Carson.
0967
You've become our resident approvals expert.
0966
What's the secret to successfully navigating the city's development planning process?
0965
Everyone makes good use of our acoustic privacy rooms for phone calls
0964
Just a few weeks left until the wedding, Kerri?
0963
You're not okay.
0962
Success at this firm is measured by one's ability to hold up under the shear weight of failure.
0961
Did you get that revised tower proposal to the client?
0960
It's time our Project Architects started assuming more of a business development role.
0959
What's the first word that comes to mind when I say plumb?
0958
Pardon me?
0957
I heard you called me an asshole.
0956
Good morning. Ready to realize our firm's vision today?
0955
Have you scheduled a 270-degree review for the tower?
0954
Remember the 1989 Steve Martin movie Parenthood?
0953
It's been weeks since the layoffs.
0952
Mike asked you to be his mentor.
0951
I've heard morale is poor.
0950
I've heard morale is poor.
0949
Mike asked me to be his mentor, for his internship.
0947
Can you revise our latest RFP response so we can use it for this new proposal?
0946
We've had to let Mike go.
0945
I'm developing an architecture that follows necessity.
0944
I feel terrible about having to let Mike go.
0943
They laid off Mike
0942
They laid off Mike
0941
They laid off Mike.
0940
They really want us to do our timesheets on time this week.
0939
You have blue on your face.
0938
A-Harmony Client Profile: New Money
0936
A-Harmony Client Profile: Scion Of The Family Empire
0937
A-Harmony Client Profile: Old Money
0935
A-Harmony Client Profile: Savvy Builder
0934
A-Harmony Client Profile: Government Thug
0933
A-Harmony Client Profile: Flamboyant Developer
0932
A-Harmony Client Profile: Marketing Drone
0931
A-Harmony Client Profile: Designy Couple
0930
I've signed us up for A-Harmony.
0929
Our client told me you didn't want him at that City meeting.
0928
You passed all your exams.
0927
Argh not knowing!
0926
If you don't check your exam results, you can't submit the cost of the exams as reimbursable expenses.
0925
How long to get the development permit?
0924
What's that contraption?
0923
You're back.
0922
You're back.
0921
You're back.
0920
So.
0919
I'm back.
0918
Pearl just discovered that a number of techs have been pulled off her team without consulting her.
0917
When I was 17 and working for the summer as a casual labourer at a nearby farm, I was given a bit of advice from a more senior farmhand, who very succinctly said “There are days for working and days for fucking the dog.”
0916
Simon tells me you passed all your registration exams
0915
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0914
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0913
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0912
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0911
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0910
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0909
People savour each morsel of their pre-cut meals, chewing and swallowing contemplatively.
0908
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0907
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0906
What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0905
Wait. Are you not checking your exam results because you're worried you might have to rewrite one of them, or because you're worred there's now no longer anything between you and actual registration?
0904
Joanne, you must have gotten your exam results by now.
0903
Did we issue two addendums to the contract?
0902
I'm off to City Hall to get this building permit submitted
0901
Why did our structural steel price come in at twice originally quoted amount?
0900
Does anyone ever call you Red?
0899
I wish I'd known now what I knew then.
0898
What was the concept again?
0897
Barneston billed four hours to my project for review?
0896
How is it that on my CV the firm uses for proposals, I am touted as a Design Architect, with years of experience in managing complex programmes from a list of projects as long as my arm, but when it comes time for a performance review, I'm told I'm merely an intern architect, barely out of school.
0895
Do the nut seats have to fully penetrate the dump station?
0894
What typically triggers substantial performance?
0893
Did the client provide a soils report and survey?
0892
Why do the floor plates get larger part way up the tower, then return to their original size further up?
0891
We have heard anecdotally that, upon reading one of this past year's comics, one of our readers has decided to take home some of the multitude of pairs of shoes previously inventoried beneath her desk.
0890
Only 15 more weeks until training camp!
0889
Yes.
0888
Welcome back, Joanne. How did the ExAC go?
0887
You've been an intern architect for how long?
0886
Glad I'm not writing the ExAC today.
0885
I hope Joanne has a reasonably relaxing weekend before the exam. Either she knows the material by now, or she doesn't.
0884
Can I borrow your calculator? I leant mine to Joanne for the exam.
0883
I'm having misgivings about not informing Joanne about the ExAC's Secret Section 5.
0882
So Joanne is on the home stretch.
0881
Where's Joanne today?
0880
You appear calmer.
0878
Joanne, can you please transmit this RFI response to the client?
0877
Are you feeling a little better about yourself today?
0877
You don't look well.
0876
Who the hell are you?
0875
My biggest client is nine months in arrears, the authority-having-jurisdiction hasn't returned my calls in a fortnight, the contractor has failed to properly frame the same pocket door three times, and I've just now dribbled coffee onto my crotch.
0874
Hey, when did you get a doppelgänger?
0873
Well? Aren't you going say something about my studying to try to make me crazy?
0872
Did you have a good night of studying?
0871
How did you manage to memorize all of the MasterFormat spec sections?
0870
Are you studying Hanscombe?
0869
I'll give you a hint: Remember the retaining wall diagramme from Ching.
0868
I note that you've chosen to pursue the ExAC in lieu of the NCARBs.
0867
Last night I finished reading Mastering The Business Of Architecture.
0866
My motivation is lagging.
0865
How did you approach studying the National Building Code?
0864
What's your study regimen?
0863
Have you been reading Ching's Building Construction Illustrated?
0862
I heard you're writing the ExAC this year, Joanne.
0861
Your drawing notes don't make sense.
0860
Pretentious as hell, but probably the work of genius.
0859
Have you seen Phoncible?
0858
I am about to lose my shit.
0857
Check this out.
0856
Have you heard of our mechanical sub-trade called Building Systems Guys?
0855
At 6:15 this morning my client texted me that he would not be able to make our 8:00 meeting, on account of food poisoning.
0854
I have the teenage son of an old business associate coming by the office this afternoon.
0853
I need a word for this design brief that means to tear open.
0852
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 12. Remorse
0851
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 11. Acceptance
0850
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 10. Indifference
0849
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 9. Depression
0848
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 8. Self-Doubt
0847
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 7. Bargaining
0846
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 6. Ugly Crying
0845
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 5. Anger
0844
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 4. Paranoia
0843
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 3. Denial
0842
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 2. Suspicion
0841
The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 1. The Honeymoon
0840
Our mechnical trade has subcontrated a firm called Building Systems Guys.
0839
Every time an architect sighs, an angel gets its wings.
0838
I don't believe a little running stick man scurrying toward a rectange is any mroe clear a depiction of a path of emergency egress than a sign that clearly states EXIT in uppercase red letters.
0837
Whoah. Why am I bleeding out of my ears?
0836
If I had known the breakfast spread at this building code seminar was going to be this good, I would have skipped my Special K this morning.
0835
Hi. On behalf of the author and the rest of the cast I'd like to address the matter of what we're calling around the office The New Optimism.
0834
Architecture! It isn't a problem if it can be solved by architecture!
0833
How are our accounts receivable looking for this client?
0832
Morning.
0831
I feel as though I'm starting to run down a little bit.
0830
We can't possibly be at the end of our fee already.
0829
Ready to help another client down the path of architectural righteousness?
0828
Another three hour conference call with site?
0827
I'm not certain I understand all of your newfound optimism.
0826
Can you meet in a few minutes to review this month's management margin reports?
0825
Morning. Morning. Aren't you going to say it?
0824
I see your millwork came in north of $60,000.
0823
I can't believe this happened.
0822
Phoncible, if we concede victory in this wager, will you tone down the rhetoric?
0821
Good morning. It's a great day for architecture!
0820
We've changed the drive-through. Can you un-submit the mechanical site plan?
0819
High five for architecture! Fist bump for architecture!
0818
Did you make the coffee today, Phoncible? It's great.
0817
You're quiet today.
0816
We're resolved: no more grousing about the firm or the profession of architecture.
0815
Okay, we're in: we won't complain about either our firm or our profession.
0814
Are we all resolved? No more sniping at the firm or the profession of architecture?
0813
According to this wager, we can't complain about the firm or the practice of architecture?
0812
I'm serious about making a change in how we think of the firm we work for, and our positions within the profession.
0811
Listen: either we change our attitudes toward our firm and our profession, or we'll ultimately wind up like so manny bitter, cynical professionals we've all encountered.
0810
I know what to do. Follow my lead.
0809
Wow. Feels almost quiet in here.
0808
Phoncible, you should calm down about this salary review.
0807
You need to drop this persecuted intern act and finally get registered.
0806
Why do you think I should work for a lower salary this year—in real terms—than I did last year?
0805
What exactly is this thing, anyway?
0804
Looks like we're done for another year.
0803
I already explained: we had a limited discretionary salary review budget.
0802
That's less than the rate of inflation!
0801
Oh, good. Salary reviews have begun.
0800
It looks like it died screaming.
0799
I'd like to know who keeps leaving a puddle of urine at the foot of the urinal.
0798
You look al little haggard this morning, Hamilton.
0797
I just received a phone call from the client.
0796
Do you want to review the panel one more time before I print it?
0795
I hate having to do project coordination: I'm just not suited to it.
0794
Starbucks run?
0793
You're walking quickly, with drawings under your arm. Leaving early for lunch?
0792
Done.
0791
Ready for ExAC Section 4?
0790
Wow. ExAC Section 3 was much more reasonable.
0789
Bring on Exam 3! Let's get this over with.
0788
My goal for Exam 3 is to finish with enough time to review these questions I struggled with.
0787
Any regrets about these first two sections?
0786
Wow. Half done. This feels good.
0785
Damn you, ExAC Section 2! Two of these possible answers mean exactly the same thing! Hey, who are you.
0784
ExAC Section 2 is preposterous! I can't do 80 code reviews in three hours.
0783
I'm glad we have a couple of hours before Section 2 of the exam.
0782
Wow! What the hell was that? The ExAC Section One! Three more to go!
0781
Wow! What's this! The ExAC Section One! We're writing it!
0780
Here we are. The ExAC: Four exams, 12 hours, two days.
0779
So Phoncible and Ginsberg are off for a few days, writing the ExAC.
0778
All the exams at one. Very hardcore.
0777
I'll be out of the office for the next three days. One last day to study and two days for the tests.
0776
Maybe it's me, but pacing seven NCARB exams over a year-and-a-half seems much more reasonable than studying for six months and attempting four ExAC exams in two days.
0775
How's studying for your exams going?
0774
How's studying for your exams going?
0773
Architecture is populated by very smart people.
0772
Architecture is populated by very smart people.
0771
How's studying for your exams?
0770
What's the best thing about being registered?
0769
What's the best thing about being registered?
0768
What's the best thing about being registered?
0767
What's the best thing about being registered?
0766
What's the best thing about being registered?
0765
What's the best thing about being registered?
0764
There's something refreshing about a good, honest round of value engineering, after which you know the programme and the project have been properly examined and distilled to only those things that belong.
0763
You know you're an architect when you measure your hair loss in terms of reduced R-value during the winter heating season.
0762
Why have I never seen an org chart around here?
0761
Good morning, Master Fieldhouse.
0760
Good morning, Master Fieldhouse.
0759
What the hell was that?
0758
She was so scared that she jumped right out of the window and she ran all the way home.
0757
Goldilocks finally opened her eyes and saw what she was up against.
0756
“Humph,” said the goon with the guns. “Anarchists!”
0755
(The latter being a representation of the gleeful sound of reams of paper contracts being assembled as as last defence of the partnership: obfuscation and intimidation.)
0754
Then up the stairs went the three bears, with a thump thump thump, and a tro trot trot, and a skippity-skip-skip.
0753
Then they all reprised the proposal. “Humph,” said the public purse, like an unrepentatnt thug. “Someone has been doing the math.”
0752
“Landscakes!” said the private consortium in her middle-sized voice. “Some communist wants to eat the rich.”
0751
The moment they stepped back into the picture, they saw that someone had been asking questions.
0750
Then out of the wilderness and back to their 3-P machinations came the three players — a great big public purse, a middle-sized private consortium, and a wee little partnership agreement.
0749
Political favouritism was at least as old a practice as prostitution.
0748
The great big monopoly on the licit use of force was the very definition of government.
0747
The Goldilocks went upstairs—metaphorically—and looked at the modi operandi.
0746
The guaranteed profit was explicitly stated and unassailable.
0745
Now Goldilocks spied the proposal. She evaluated the ongoing operating expenditure: typical government accounting games.
0744
Goldilocks saw the three agendas. She understood the politcal agenda: reward their friends and punish their enemies. She understood the profit agenda: ratchet down on the professionals and monetize their risk. She understood the performance specification agenda: preserve appearances (and provide a bridging architect a tiny slice of fee).
0743
That same morning, a little metaphorical girl representing rational conviction, but who we'll call Goldilocks, was traipsing through the issues.
0742
But the proposal was too ridiculous for the voting public to digest, so the three Ps decided to lay low until the political shitstorm died down.
0741
It proposed a great big ongoing operating expenditure for the public purse, a guaranteed profit for itself, and the myth of efficient, alternative funding enshrined in the partnership agreement.
0740
One morning the private consortium made a proposal.
0739
And behind the agendas were modus operandi—a great big monopoly on the licit use of force for the public purse, a middle-sized history of political favouritism for the private consortium, and a wee little phone book of loopholes for the partnership agreement.
0738
And they had three agendas—a great big political agenda for the public purse, a middle-sized profit agenda for the private consortium, and a wee little optics agenda for the partnership agreement.
0737
Once upon a time there were three Ps—a great big public purse, a middle-sized (by comparison) private consortium, and a wee little partnership agreement.
0736
Goldilocks and the Public Private Partnership
0735
No feeling like turning off the Blackberry.
0734
Where's your landscape legend?
0733
Welcome back. How was your vacation?
0732
Interesting landscape plan.
0731
You're wearing an undershirt under your shirt? It's summer. Aren't you hot?
0730
How's studying for your exams coming along?
0729
These elevations are staid, at best.
0728
When is this closure I've heard about?
0727
Last night I wrote doen all those memories I can recall from before the age of three.
0726
Damnit, why doesn't the building code come with armoured holes for each page? I'm tired of all the well-used sections being just a collection of loose, ripped-out sheets.
0725
Since this all happened, my oldest, five-year-old daughter has developed the habit of ritualized hugs and kisses.
0724
Our lives have to go on, but I'm going to have to make some behavioural changes now that I'm a single parent.
0723
We've been walking on eggshells for over two weeks. Can we just go back to making snide remarks about architecture?
0722
How are you getting through this?
0721
The year we met, when we both lived on the same floor of university residence, she gave me hell for packing up to leave at the end of the yar without properly having said goodbye.
0720
How did it happen, Hamilton?
0719
I guess this is what normal now feels like.
0718
Today felt like just another day off the calendar.
0717
What’s this music on the PA system?
0716
This comic is about architectural humour, not life and death.
0715
This isn't the venue for a discussion about dealing with an unexpected death.
0714
Fuck it. I'm out of here.
0713
Where's Hammy?
0712
Why a wristband?
0711
Pretty sharp, right?
0710
Flummoxed by how you could possibly wear more architectural flair?
0709
I've taken it upon myself to increase the profile of the profession. I've designed an Arch-Strong writstband to increase public awareness of architects.
0708
Our profession lacks attention.
0707
Question for you: If I have a washroom that has a sink, a toilet and a urinal in one space without a partition, is that a one-man or two-man washroom?
0706
You need to rewrite your performance review objectives. They have to be measurable.
0705
I'm drawing a web comic about an architectural superhero. Can I test it out on you?
0704
Are you planning on showing up?
0703
I'm doing washroom elevations. Where should I locate the TP holder?
0702
You peed yourself.
0701
The client wants to ses a reconciliation of our last four invoices, broken down according to the categories listed on their purchase order, and further itemized according to which hours were spent on which drawings.
0700
You've confused me with these arrows in your section and the references to the mechanical drawings.
0699
You're saying it's taken you almost seven years after graduation to actually start feeling like an architect?
0698
I've decided to write my registration exams this year.
0697
That guy's always singing about architecture. Where does he work?
0696
Eight o'clock, quittin' time, don't get paid for overtime. Crash and burn, return, listen to your stomach churn.
0695
That's great, it starts with a survey, a programme, a site plan — Bruce Mao is not afraid. (To the tune of REM's The End Of The World As We Know It.
0694
It says “Your AutoCAD session ended unexpectedly,” but it didn't crash. I just closed it.
0693
When my wife and I are out for dinner with the kids, our rule is whoever is driving doesn't have even one drink.
0692
You've heard the expression "Brave was the man who tried the first raw oyster," but what about all those things that someone might have tried that didn't turn out as successfully edible? Rhinoceros snot, for example.
0691
It's ironic that we typically use dish cloths to clearn things we eat off of, when the dirtiest, most bacteria-infested item in the kitchen is that same cloth. It's a good exmaple of the habitual use of something ill-suited for a purpose.
0690
Yesterday I received a letter from my bank saying the interest rate on my line of credit was going up by one percent.
0689
Have you seen Hamilton? I have a couple of drawings for him to do.
0688
How was your experience in the architectural clink?
0687
Professional incarceration seems a little harsh for the mere expression of an idea.
0686
Where's Hammy today?
0685
Why did you quit your last job?
0684
Why did you quit your last job?
0683
Why did you quit your last job?
0682
Why did you quit your last job?
0681
Why did you quit your last job?
0680
Why did you quit your last job?
0679
Chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, chim-chim-cheree, I am an architect, I draw chim-ineys.
0678
Eat failure. Shit success. Are we still on that?
0677
Our civil consultant has said he won't lay down in front of the equipment to stop the client from excavating under winter conditions, but given the sensitivity of the floro slab and the presence of swelling clays, he strongly recommends against proceeding.
0676
Ever have one of those days where you've accomplished more than you can belive, you're the only one who knows what you've done, but you feel exquisite anyway?
0675
It's bad enough the name of our firm has the word vagina in it, now our business cards have vulgarity emblazoned across the back.
0674
Good news, team. We're starting the New Year off with a new, can-do slogan and branding exercise.
0673
2012 Eat failure. Shit success.
0672
It's a beautiful day in God's Country!
0671
Atlas was permitted the opinion that he was at liberty, if he wished, to drop the Earth and creep away; but his opinion was all he was permitted.
0670
Dear Editor: I am an intern architect. Some of my colleagues say there is no Architecture.
0669
These pre-engineered warehouses are soul-destroying to draw.
0668
What's this hatch long the elevation.
0667
Are you finished with the main floor plan?
0666
They're going to take the network down on the weekend to begin virtualizing the servers.
0665
Could you vajazzle these plans for me?
0664
We need to improve the look of these modulars. Could you vajazzle the skirting a bit?
0663
Nice vajazzling.
0662
How was your weekend?
0661
Remember when you were a kid and you sat in your pile of Lego, putting together houses, robots, cars, whatever you might imagine?
0660
Last night we put the oven on self-clean. Whatever residue that had been living at the bottom of the oven catches fire, and begins filling the hosue with smoke.
0659
What certification level are we going for?
0658
I've produced a fee estimate based on the Association's recommended percentages for professional services.
0657
Forget it. No one will ever look there.
0656
Ooh, that is hot.
0655
Contemporary tower design makes me crazy. The floor plates change from level to level, so none of the efficiencies of repetition are realized.
0654
In your outline spec, what do you mean by “gdoing-gdoing-gdoingy thingy?”
0653
It's 1:30.
0652
All of the columns are going to be clad as part of the tenant improvement package, so we're not going to waste any of the base building budget on expensive concrete finishes. That means no sack rubbing.
0651
Here are the FAR bonusing calculations we promised to the client. I'm sorry they took so long to…
0650
I've just been asked to do a bylaw analysis and best-highest use determination for a new site in the suburbs.
0649
“Where are the condocs?” say the bells of St. Thomas.
0648
Thank you for taking all that time yesterday to explain BOMA ratios to me. I couldn't have finished these project net leasable statistics without your help. Truly.
0647
It's nice to take transit really early in the morning.
0646
“So now,” says the partner, “Now that I've thought, my professional obligations just can't be forgot. So here's a chance for you, young turk, have a go at this new piece of work.”
0645
I spoke for the proforma, he developer, the bylaw, at the cost of every green feature I saw.
0644
She spun on her heels and made a bee-line for the door, leaving an indignant pause behind.
0643
The intern begged off, no more work to be done. I sat in my office, alone, save one.
0642
Just right then an intern came in, bearing the printouts with the markups I'd sent him. He spread them on my desk and we all took a peek at the gridlike pattern across that stark sheet.
0641
“Would it have been so hard to look at the sky, and take a few notes as the sun passes by, to know that November isn't July?”
0640
“It's a longshot too... Have I gotten through to you? How can we present a site plan like this? Your intensification is too hard to miss.”
0639
“I am the LEED AP,” she declared and she shouted. Then she took out her spreadsheet and over it pouted.
0638
So I jiggered the site plan, I jiggered the green roof. I jiggered the PV panels (I gave them the boot.)
0637
I felt somewhat pensive, she had a point, but even so, the proforma had spoke: the pavers had to go, regardless of credits and rondels you know.
0636
But the next day she showed up at my door for a fight. She lisped “I'm the LEED AP I speak for the site, which you have made virtually watertight!”
0635
Then what a curious thing, how the spreadhseet did sing! Oh the value that an architect can bring!
0634
So the team lit out on the site plan I had started. The whole crew ensured it was entirely park-ed.
0633
The constant stream of interruptions for the sake of snippy dialogue isn't doing our narrative any favours.
0632
“I repeat,” cried the LEED AP, “I count up the credits.”
0631
I laughed at her list, that glorified squit. Checklists and credits won't pay the rent.
0630
“Hey LEED AP,” I said, “There's no cause for a tiff. It will cost us one point, it won't make a diff.”
0629
And before I forgot I had changed the amount I took out the spreadsheet and I updated the count.
0628
But those trees! Those trees! Those deciduous trees! I had specified whichever trees that I pleased.
0627
And after the trees, I drew pervious pavers saving our stormwater plan a few acres and meshing the driveway more fully with nature.
0626
Way back at the time the project was still new-y the team was still hopeful and their eyes were still dewy.
0625
Killing time in his office, he's content to chat about consequences, results, and this-and-that.
0624
You won't see this partner on the studio floor. He stays in his office and closes the door. And he sketches by hand because his CAD skills are poor.
0623
The LEED AP (pronounced Leedapp)
0622
Are you eating my peanut butter?
0621
Gah! Why are all the CAD templates a mess of criss-crossed lines?
0620
Why have you drawn such an expensive roof?
0619
Somewhere along the line I went from tucking my shirt directly into my pants, to unbuckling my belt and pants to tuck in my shirt. When and why did that change happen?
0618
While you were gone for those few weeks, there was no one to update the Friday breakfast club schedule.
0617
Am I to understand the standard pen table has changed during my latest absence?
0616
Hamilton, I'm concerned about your materials legend.
0615
Has mechanical seen these latest plans?
0614
Windsor, Half-Windsor or Four-in-hand?
0613
I usually have the bourbon, followed by a beer chaser, then take my time with the scotch.
0612
What did you do on the weekend?
0611
What happened? I spent the night at the site so I could watch the sun rise and understand its movement across the land.
0610
Are we getting a survey soon?
0609
I've got to get the cost consultant, the job captain and the client to the site. My convertible seats three at the most, so I'll be making multiple trips.
0608
One-two-three on Phoncible, Hammy and Pearl!
0607
The JPEG of his stamp is different every time. He leaves smudges of himself on charcoal. City planners ask him for fewer drawings sets. The more ink he uses, the simpler his drawings become. While on the Ground Tour, the locals draw him.
0606
When I was eleven, I spent an entire spring building a tree house in a nearby gully with two friends of mine.
0605
Would it be a problem with the city if the building height crept upward by ten inches?
0604
Can you write up the minutes for that meeting?
0603
Honestly? I have no clue. Use the architectural leafblower.
0602
OMG! What have you drawn?
0601
Do you ever worry we'll run out of comic material and we'll all wind up out of a job?
0600
Phoncible, we're happy to offer you back your position at the firm.
0599
Archimatects Oat Cakes
0598
As the days passed, Phoncible found himself thinking of his last office.
0597
You, Phoncible, learned so much about representation that you didn't have to go through hundreds of projects to arrive where you are.
0596
Where are all the architects?
0595
The memory of his previous life was falling away.
0594
In the weeks that followed, Phoncible learned there was a pent-up demand for non-photorealistic visualization.
0593
So this is self-employment.
0592
The offer came in the evening, by email. Could he fix this model and extract a fly-through for Monday's council meeting?
0591
With the same slavish obedience to style he laid out an updated portfolio and resume.
0590
Phoncible Schneidmiller Fieldhouse spent the rest of the week alone, reworking hsi portfolio with the Technique.
0589
Fired…
0588
Phoncible, did you open the project Revit central file last night?
0587
When Phoncible returned to the office, there was a meeting in full swing in the gathering area.
0586
By sunup, Phoncible had ironed out most of the wrinkles in his new technique.
0585
His resolution of a moment before was forgotten, washed away with the Photoshop filters.
0584
He was locking the office's front door when it dawned on him: layers!
0583
He felt better for his decision to be just another Revit disciple.
0582
The key, he realized at last, would be to model the textures more faithfully and to apply a style.
0581
Where he fell down was adding colour. At that scale, it was impossible to add raster images as texture without incurring horrible moiré effects across all the like-applied materials.
0580
It wasn't too long before Phoncible was off on his own again, laying down construction lines, extruding faces, happy, productive.
0579
He had long since concluded that when he drew exclusively in plain old AutoCAD, he could concentrate longer on what he was drawing, not how he was drawing it.
0578
This kind of thinking, he found, was not a successful method to endear himself to his employers.
0577
In point of fact, Phoncible was not an architect at all. He was an intern architect, according to the strict defences imposed by his professional association.
0576
It was morning, and new light slanted across the rows of unoccupied workstations.
0575
(To the tune of Steve Earles The Devils Right hand) About the time that AutoCAD was in version oh-four, I saw my first copy in the back of Record.
0574
You were sick yesterday?
0573
To paraphrase, the code requires us to provide quick and convenient access to the building generator.
0572
Were not submitting drawings tomorrow. The client doesnt want to proceed. The project is off.
0571
Trouble. Starbucks has taken the text of their logo.
0570
Happiness is drawing SketchUp crickets.
0569
Did you just send me a GotoMeeting invitation?
0568
Your structure interferes with the mechanical runs.
0567
What's this?
0566
I'm heading down to Starbucks. Do you want a coffee?
0565
It's one thing to stand on the shoulders of giants. It's quite another to walk in their footsteps.
0564
I heard you don't appreciate the proper method of drawing an eight.
0563
I see you got your development permit approved.
0562
It took a week of casual inquiry, but I discovered a third way of drawing an eight: Four arcs drawn vertically can be assembled into a tidy glyph.
0561
The client wants us to estimate what the premium would be to do the project as a LEED-silver building.
0560
You'll have to move the elevator core about three feet. We need to be able to get some shoring in there.
0559
Do we have a standard for labelling these things?
0558
Remember R.E.M.'s first major-label album, Green, which had an orange cover?
0557
I love seeing construction workers in the bar in the late morning, enjoying a pint.
0556
When I was in kindergarten, the teacher asked if anyone knew how to draw the number eight.
0555
Why are there two grand pianos on this plan?
0554
Change your drawing labels. Man holes should more accurately be called access port covers.
0553
How-do-you-do.
0552
I'd like to introduce everyone to Dagny Straphanger, who is joining us as part of the merger as a Senior Partner.
0551
We've been spending money on speculative design work and losing proposals for too long.
0550
What have you drawn at the base of the stair?
0549
Do you worry that submitting so many sets of revised plans will cost you credibility with the city file handler?
0548
Hello, people. Look at yourself, now back at me, now back at yourself, now back at me.
0547
It finally happened.
0546
Our cost consultant says that given the current market conditions, steel will be the most economic structural system.
0545
You have to show a man-door for fire exiting.
0544
Your jazzy little tea diffuser looks exactly like a Pantone!
0543
Le Corbusier said “I prefer drawing to talking. Drawing is faster, and leaves less room for lies.”
0542
Are all of your washrooms laid out with banks of three urinals?
0541
You shaved.
0540
I think I'm coming down with something.
0539
This just occurred to me.
0538
Great looking elevations. Nice proportions.
0537
You want me to drawn muntin bars on these windows?
0536
I'm getting a new roof put on my house, and I'm feeling bad about pitching 15 squares of old three-tab fibreglass ashphalt shingles into the landfill.
0535
Someone said you were an anarchist. Is that true?
0534
That music is quite… insistent.
0533
revit elevations look bad improve revit elevations make elevations in revit look better
0532
Your section's lineweights looked a little peculiar, so I opened one of your CAD drawings.
0531
Happy Valentine's Day!
0530
I've got it!
0529
I pick up the phone and call Naturally.
0528
Look, if I call the technician, someone is going to pick up the phone. Who takes the call?
0527
You know I used to work for a cost consultant.
0526
Do you have a cost consultant?
0525
You've got a code consultant on the team?
0524
I want to know what's the guy's name of the structural engineer?
0523
You don't want who as the electrical engineer?
0522
What's the technician's name?
0521
What's the guy's name with the copy of Revit?
0520
All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name who does all the drafting.*
0519
Who gets the money…
0518
Look, you've got a draftsman?
0517
I mean the fellow's name.
0516
Welcome to the project team. Should I give you a quick briefing before our project meeting?
0515
What's the funniest thing you've ever seen?
0514
I read a statistic somewhere that suggests architects have to know more disparate types of information than brain surgeons.
0513
Why didn't we get a Christmas bonus this year?
0512
Sagittarius
0511
Scorpio
0510
Libra
0509
Virgo
0508
Leo
0507
Cancer
0506
Gemini
0505
Taurus
0504
Aries
0503
Pisces
0502
Aquarius
0501
Capricorn
0500
Recently I've headed up an entirely new extradisciplinary division with completely new team members and projects.
0499
You're back? I thought you left to head up your independent engineering consultancy.
0498
This engineering sub-discipline isn't going to work out.
0497
What's different about working so closely with engineers?
0496
I don't suppose you'll even attempt some sort of weakly explanatory apology for your betrayal last week?
0495
How are the firm's first few engineering projects?
0494
One neat trick I've learned while running with these engineers is auto-disbursements.
0493
How did you get selected to run the engineering department?
0492
How's the engineering hiring drive going?
0491
Where are you going to attract all the necessary engineering talent?
0490
So you've been chosen to head up our new engineering department.
0489
Proposing that an architecture firm can just launch an engineering division from scratch is almost disrespectful of an entire profession.
0488
What do we know about running an engineering firm?
0487
We've decided to add an engineering department.
0486
Why do engineers wear iron rings?
0485
I can't make the client-lead working session.
0484
Dough, a fee, a measley fee, Ray, tracing light across the floor.
0483
We need to start collecting retainers from clients.
0482
The tender set is done, but we shouldn't release it until we get a cheque from the client.
0481
Security is when, as a child, you are being driven home at nighttime by your parents.
0480
Now he does not have much time to live.
0479
During the many years the intern, no longer young, watches the sentinel non-stop.
0478
The intern, who has equipped himself well for a wait, occupies his time with everything at his disposal.
0477
But as he now examines the sentinel more closely, in his one-size-too-small oxford, his large bulbous nose and his anachronistic moustache, he decideds it would be best if he waited for permission to go inside or, at the very least, a number.
0476
Before the counter sits a sentinel.
0475
Can we leave for the subconsultants' meeting now?
0474
You're not coming to the lunch-and-learn.
0473
Odd.
0472
New hair.
0471
It's not going to work.
0470
I've never noticed before.
0469
Four eyes.
0468
These heavy frames really bracket my vision.
0467
Those look like stereotypical architect's glasses.
0466
That's a new look for you.
0465
Why do people love architects?
0464
Why do people love architects?
0463
Why do people love architects?
0462
Why do people love architects?
0461
Why do people love architects?
0460
Why do people hate architects?
0459
Why do people hate architects?
0458
Why do people hate architects?
0457
Why do people hate architects?
0456
Why do people hate architects?
0455
The client is withholding payment of our invoice until they sell the first units.
0454
Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused?
0453
Wouldn't Apprentice Architect be a more suitable term than Intern Architect?
0452
We need to come up with a better title than Intern Architect.
0451
So why all the uppercase?
0450
Who peed in your Rice Krispies?
0449
What's this on the second floor plan?
0448
What are these images doing in this folder?
0447
FibreC Glassfibre Concrete is now available in a new slat format!
0446
Could you please keep the ruckus down?
0445
Good morning. How are you?
0444
I'm having trouble extruding this doubly-curved sinusoidal shape in SketchUp.
0443
I hate how SketchUp just drops faces from complex, non-orthogonal geometry at scales smaller than 1/16 inch.
0442
I don't get it. We devote two weeks worth of cartoons to Revit—which none of us like or use—but we have only ever occassionally mentioned SketchUp, which is the architectural visualization tool that we all use and enjoy.
0441
How was your weekend?
0440
You know of the expression “It's not the fall that kills you…”
0439
Were we going to rate these shafts?
0438
Welcome back from vacation.
0437
About this site layout you've sketched.
0436
How did you presentation go?
0435
Please review this invoice before I send it off to the client.
0434
How's Schematic Design coming along?
0433
Listen up: we've change the name of the firm and have adopted a new model of operation.
0432
Yikes. This Kieran Timberlake monograph is $240 on Amazon.
0431
I can't shake this lassitude.
0430
I can't shake this lassitude.
0429
I can't shake this lassitude.
0428
We're over budget for schematic design.
0427
These perspectives would be more artful if they were drawn by hand.
0426
Polychromy! Monochromy!
0425
Why are you hesitating? Draw the gable end.
0424
A number of architects I once knew. Smart ones, efficient ones, ambitious ones too.
0423
Big plans! We're opening offices in Abu Dhabi, Barcelona and Perth.
0422
I give up. I can't do what Kid Architect does.
0421
I tried rolling like Kid Architect in a subconsultants meeting today.
0420
Is Kid Architect coming in today?
0419
How far did you get on the streetside elevation?
0418
I see a stone terrace… across the whole site, with mile-high float glass to the podium height.
0417
How did the main branch library project interview go?
0416
This is going to be transformative.
0415
Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy…
0414
Kid Architect is making a tour stop here!
0413
I've given some consideration to what you said about Francesco Borromini.
0412
“Where we once squeezed glue, we must now string stirrups. Where once there was a platform frame, we must now cast a hearth. Where once we had…”
0411
I finished reading your Redemptive Brutalism manifesto — at least those parts of it that weren't completely obscured by seemingly unrelated graphics, or senselessly scrawled in illegible cursive.
0410
“Where Brutalism has failed in the past, it has not been due to the intrinsic qualities of the material, it has been due to the haptic gap between the institutionally-scaled megablock projects favoured by its practitioners, and the entrenched, preferred North American culture of construction.
0409
If Redemptive Brutalism is going to become a true ism, it's going to have to cast light on some sort of social benefit.
0408
You're trying to revive brutalism?
0407
The secret to a good architectural manifesto is to come up with a catchy name, then apply it to a graphically choked book so long and rambling no one will ever sit down to read it in its entirety.
0406
406 I need a side project. I'm thinking of developing a new ism.
0405
Would ninja's have actually made good architects?
0404
My ninja-architect power would be to get any drawing set through the gatekeepers at the city permit desk, every time.
0403
Architects are like ninjas in plenty of ways.
0402
Could a scale be a weapon?
0401
Ani DiFranco says every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.
0400
What a beautiful afternoon.
0399
My word, that's strong.
0398
We're issuing new business cards for everyone. We've added the slogan Organic Architecture.
0397
It's tough finding well-set children's books.
0396
Project Kafka is back on!
0395
Oh no. Did your daughers back-lapse?
0394
Do you have salary expectations as a result of this performance review?
0393
The profession comes with an instruction manual, right?
0392
Working late?
0391
Like I was saying, Doug is amazing. Ask him about different operable windows.
0390
We'll go around the second storey with hopper—I mean awning—windows.
0389
You're here early.
0388
A dart board—fun!—but why are all the numbers different?
0387
What's your favourite screen colour in which to draft?
0386
The chimneys on this building interrupt the rhythm of its facade, as if each were a lone rib sticking up from a carcass.*
0385
Ripped jeans?
0384
What do you think are the top-ten, most-often used AutoCAD commands?
0383
I picked up your plot by mistake.
0382
What exactly were you doing just now?
0381
Days turn to minutes, and minutes to timesheets.
0380
I sure do love working with the Oren-Neyer-Bin shader.
0379
On your performance review form, under strengths, you wrote “great hair.”
0378
How does your exhaustion from parenthood compare to the types of exhaustion—stress, deadlines and overtime—we've all experienced in the service of architecture?
0377
Still? Man, at some point, your baby girls are going to have to let you get some sleep.
0376
World Cup is over.
0375
If you use a plate, then rinse it off right away without using soap, is it still considered clean?
0374
Seriously? You laid out each of these sheets without regard to where the plans above and below are positioned on the sheet?
0373
Our consultants are impossible.
0372
I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday.
0371
Are you enrolled in the GBCA credential maintenance programme?
0370
Why don't you at least draw a detail that introduces a thermal break, so the two beams only appear to be penetrating the thermal envelope?
0369
What's this deep beam doing on the exterior?
0368
Dwell magazine is so refreshing.
0367
I don't buy your argument.
0366
Why not trade in that old clunker of yours, and do something for the environment?
0365
365 You look better. Are you finally getting enough sleep?
0364
Speaking of sounding like architecture, do you know any popular songs about architecture?
0363
This year's RAIC Festival of Architecture is using the Leaning Tower of Pisa as their logo.
0362
How did you originally come to the decision to enter the field of architecture?
0361
Yesterday before coming to work I was in one of the city's most viable, pedestrian-oriented neighbourhoods.
0360
I've come around on that architexts.us web comic.
0359
You're really wound up about this Architexts web comic.
0358
I don't care what you think of Modulor Man. Architexts.us is horning in on our business.
0357
What is it you find so appealing about Modulor Man?
0356
Have you seen that new web comic, concerned with the daily tribulations of a notional architect's office?
0355
Last night while I was washing my daughter's hair, my mind kept wandering to the materials palettes I've been working on this past week.
0354
Nice shirt.
0353
The computer just told me “The wizard has sent your job to the printer.”
0352
Year site plan is all screwed up.
0351
With the various architecture associations doing such a fine job of limiting access to the profession, I wonder who will be around in the future to take over the firms.
0350
I've been informed the Association is now only accepting intern hours in six-month quanta, and only within two months of the last logged hour.
0349
I think we're going to have to get serious about finding a new corporate slogan.
0348
Would it be accurate to describe the erasure of windows on an elevation as defenestration, or do you actually have to throw someone out of one for it to count?
0347
It looks like management is back at it, in another all-day strategic planning session.
0346
Aren't you going to today's lunch-and-learn?
0345
How's progress on studying for your exams?
0344
Intern Architect → Registered Architect
0343
Couldn't you have found a more regionally appropriate form than a salt-box house?
0342
Not drawing?
0341
Son, you've been an intern for over five years now. Can you design me a house?
0340
The new logo looks good.
0339
Your elevation is at odds with itself.
0338
I just went for a walk down First Street, where all that new development is taking place.
0337
The city rejected the cribber's tree protection plan.
0336
Since this is a new project, and I don't want to be caught out late in the game by an unforeseen regulatory restriction, I took the morning to check the relevant regulations from all the authorities having jurisdiction.
0335
There wasn't much time, but I managed to draw up these quick elevations of our sketch plan.
0334
When I asked this one engineer from a prospective firm to clarify how they typically deal with architects, he said their policy was to let the architects bounce from one contrived emergency to the next until their fee was consumed, after which he would submit one final drawing.
0333
In aid of selecting structural, mechanical and electrical engineers to include on this proposal, I've created a spreadsheet score card that reflects each potential subconsultant's proposal in a number of categories.
0332
What do you call someone who graduates last-in-his-class from medical school?
0331
I'm torn.
0330
How can I put this delicately…
0329
The puzzling thing about my new daughter is, she's so unlike the rest of my family.
0328
You had better explain this site plan to me.
0327
I think it's funny how I've spent all day hand-rendering elevations at work, while at home my three-year-old daughter has probably spent a good portion of her day likewise colouring.
0326
The Handbook of Practice is rife with spelling and formatting errors.
0325
A curiosity of the profession is that occupants—the ultimate users of the product of our craft—often have little direct say in how the building is designed and implemented.
0324
Are you ready for tonight's community open house?
0323
The association doesn't allow partnerships for the purposes of practicing architecture unless all partners are of good character.
0322
Architects always take the blame.
0321
Remember those sets of unit options I had you draw up?
0320
I love the beginning.
0319
I'm skeptical about some of your master plan's environmental claims.
0318
This pedestrian bridge competition debacle has highlighted something about the profession.
0317
Clarify for me this bruhaha around the pedestrian bridge design competition, wherein some architects were censured by the association and some weren't.
0316
Still coming down off the Banff Session?
0315
The best thing about architecture is it's accessible to all walks of life.
0314
I don't think we've finished our conversation on your perceptions of city planners.
0313
I wonder what goes through the minds of the framers who work on our projects.
0312
That plan is ridiculous.
0311
The new baby must take up almost all of your time.
0310
Congratulations on the birth of your new daughter.
0309
How's the new addition?
0308
I ride the bus every day.
0307
How do you like living in NEW CONDOMINIUM DEVELOPMENT?
0306
How has your studying of the Handbook of Practice been coming along?
0305
I just read that the Association is reviewing the requisite number of hours for the various intern experience categories.
0304
Why do you suppose a hipster would be unhappy?
0303
This Unhappy Hipsters web site is hilarious.
0302
We need to talk about how you're marking up these design drawings.
0301
We never discuss the responsibility in our work to protect public health and safety.
0300
Have you ever had a matter brought before the Association's discipline committee?
0299
I've just learned it's considered professional misconduct to perform any act that would reflect unfavourably on the profession.
0298
I'm confused.
0297
In light of my present studying of the Handbook of Practice, I've been reconsidering some of the firm's past actions in the context of ethics and conduct.
0296
Did you know our Association used to consider it professional misconduct for architects to advertise their own practices?
0295
I have a question for the two of you.
0294
My neck is stiff.
0293
I'm heading down to City Hall to submit this Development Permit. Any advice?
0292
Does the pressure of over-arching duty to the public realm, coupled with life-long professional liability ever get to you.
0291
You brought up the matter of our fee very tactfully in that meeting.
0290
The open plan is to work spaces as the Radiant City is to town planning.
0289
They say architects join the profession due to a desire to improve the environment in which people live and work.
0288
Many architecture firms seem to specialize in one area of endeavour.
0287
This list of acronyms used in the design and construction industry provided at the front of the Handbook of Practice sure is convenient…*
0286
Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0285
All week I've pandered to clietns, kowtowed to corporate standards, babysat consultants and coaxed grudging performances out of team members.
0284
The past year's financial crises have expanded my vocabulary.
0283
These oat cakes are especially delicious today.
0282
My mom always asks if Frank Lloyd Wright is my favourite architect.
0281
Was that your mother you were talking to on the phone?
0280
Peoples' perceptions of architects are way off.
0279
The master plan drawings for that red light district look sweet.
0278
Did you ever discover any more architectural nursery rhymes?
0277
Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0276
Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0275
Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0274
Are you going to get one of the new LEED accreditations?
0273
Have you seen all the new categories of LEED accreditation?
0272
Your focus group panels are gorgeous.
0271
Wow. That's a large watch.
0270
Thanks for taking the time to work out these construction sequencing details.
0269
I used to think these big publci projects would be the key to the firm's ongoing prosperity, but their reality is more grim than I imagined.
0268
Senior management has been sequestered in that boardroom all day.
0267
What did you just call me?
0266
I feel as though the client blindsided us with his expectations in that meeting.
0265
Please change the text colour on these panels from blue to green.
0264
Do you like my street elevation?
0263
You look uncomfortable.
0262
Our white ink on white ink business cards aren't working out.
0261
You've worn the same shirt three days in a row.
0260
The client has really started to chisel us on the fee.
0259
Architecture is boring.
0258
Your presentation boards look very presentation.
0257
Why does your title block say Gordon Brown?
0256
These sketches could use a bit of sprucing up: more entourage and a hit of colour perhaps.
0255
I've been digging through these monographs, looking for relevant precedent material, and I must say, I'm really starting to appreciate a lot of Robert Stern's work.
0254
Can you meet with me now to go over these plans?
0253
I've been meaning to ask. What are the firm's succession plans?
0252
These new trousers were expensive, but they're worth it.
0251
It must be hard, trying to maintain your principles as a libertarian while at the same time being involved in such an interventionist profession as architecture.
0250
Your Fountainhead sequel is offensive to the entire profession of planning.
0249
I think the reaction to the Fountainarse has been pretty much as expected.
0248
Ach. That Fountainhead sequel was a tough slog.
0247
Construciton is winding up on Steer's renovation.
0246
At the proceedings' end, Hobie Roark slouched at the back of the room, facing the commissioners.
0245
My act of loyalty to my profession and every city planner who ever lived and was made to decide between stamped or tinted concrete was the filing of this appeal.
0244
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.
0243
The primal need of a city planner is certainty.
0242
At his turn, Roark stood before the commissioners.
0241
Without even the peremptory rap of a gavel, the proceedings began.
0240
They faced one another over the boardroom table at Planning Commission.
0239
One-hundred years of standards laid out by City departments—standards as the prime rule of law—obey or be denied—submit now or receive a stop-work order later&mdash-kowtow like everyone who came before—do what you wish, within the space allotted—don't draw outside the lines—obey, obey, obey…
0238
A newspaper fluttered down, sweeping along the sidewalk.
0237
So you're not going to do anything about the Mayor's application?
0236
Here's the thing, Spatchcock: I've been considering the problem of city walks for years.
0235
Hobie, I'm sorry, but Stewpot Fontanelle has overridden your comments on the Mayor's development permit application.
0234
Your application is of no concern to me.
0233
What brings the Mayor to my office?
0232
He looked at the fluorescent light on the walls around him.*
0231
Are you going to take care of this set for me or not?
0230
Can you approve this set of plans for me?
0229
How aer things with you this fine morning, Hobie?
0228
Shinplaster found himself incapable of backing up his stance in the Mayor's presence, however.
0227
Your father—the Mayor— as well?
0226
What was it you wished to tell me?
0225
Many said Goliath Steer's best asset—perhaps his only asset—was the way he looked.
0224
She looked at him and smiled.
0223
Ms. Steer-Biggerman, you're back to see me?
0222
To look upon Stewpoet Fontanell was to immediately yield to his firm, uncompromising gaze.
0221
You rejected my application because why?
0220
He took her drawing set.
0219
She wondered, waiting at he approvals counter, if she had nothing better to do, nothing but this desk, presented to her, the drawings to be judged and denied, exposed to the world; the plans and street elevations and the landscape plans were his and could not then belong to any one else's workload—until 4:15 that day—his, as his forehead, his brow; here was the stamp he had made and the solid little lump within him that caused him to use it, the motive and the power together, obvious in every crease on his face, every fold of skin on his body, a bureaucrat's self, hers for this decision, hers by virtue of her coming down here and submitting the requisite $281 plus a $24 advertising fee.
0218
Can I help you Miss…?
0217
This was all of life for Hobie Roark, as it had been in the days of the prior to weeks.
0216
Very well, Miss Steer-Biggerman.
0215
Miss Steer-Biggerman, is there no way I can convince you to choose some other paving treatment?
0214
Miss Steer-Biggerman, a please to see you.
0213
Mr. Roark, I see your stamp on this development permit.
0212
I have this plan, Hobie, it's quite good as ti is, I'll probably just stamp it and send it on up to City Roads for Ultimate Approval, but I thought you might like to have a look at it before I did, just for your own information…
0211
Thought I'd drop by and see what was new with you, Hobie.
0210
Excuse me, I know you must be busy tying up applications before your upcoming retirement, but I wanted to discuss a few issues with you before you go.
0209
I noticed you added a Prior-to-Decision note to this application requiring a change to the public walk paving pattern.
0208
Heller studied the man who sat facing him.
0207
He looked at the stacks of applications in front of him—every one of them with a site plan, a streetside rendering, a shadowing diagramme, a bonusing count and a litany of other mandated drawings—and he saw that they existed for him.
0206
I finished my sequel to the Fountainhead.
0205
Wouldn't writing a sequel to the Fountainhead be an enormous undertaking?
0204
All this talk about the Fountainhead has inspired me.
0203
The problem with the Fountainhead is it misses critical philosophical component.
0202
I heard you're somewhat of an authority on the Fountainhead.
0201
No one in our profession ever talks about the Fountainhead.
0200
How are you doing on fulfilling your registration requirements?
0199
Statement or inquiry, divulging the topic and intent of the cartoon.
0198
Do you agree with the premise that humour is cruelty?
0197
The new instant coffee tastes different.
0196
I just had a look at your performing arts centre's interior renderings.
0195
The product rep is coming by on Thursday.
0194
Whatever happened to that residential twin-tower project?
0193
You always note a quarter of an hour in your timesheets on Mondays, with the comment “Timesheets.”
0192
If I were a rock star, I would already be at the height of my creative prowess.
0191
If I were a rock star, at this stage of my career I would have already created my masterpiece, and I could now be contemplating my legacy.
0190
Anyone have a riding crop in the office?
0189
Now that you work for the city, what do you do with all your spare time?
0188
I can't believe you work for the city now.
0187
I heard the development firm you were working for went under.
0186
Your design for the Bear Sterns building is stunning.
0185
I think I know why we haven't been winnign any proposals.
0184
Newsflash: Hömwerk Architects was just acquired by Borgtec.
0183
We have to ensure we don't increase the total building heigth.
0182
How does this affect us for LEEDS?
0181
Some of us are going to the bar tonight to celebrate the completion of our latest permit submission.
0180
Why do you insist on placing a horrid little ™ symbol after LEED on my business cards?
0179
What did the client think of you doing the meeting minutes in haiku?
0178
I love haiku.
0177
I can't get these drawings to plot, and I've got a meeting with the client in ten minutes.
0176
Are you still high on Nyquil?
0175
Oh?
0174
I'm re-wiring the lights in my hallway.
0173
I can't see the changes you've made.
0172
This drawing is blank.
0171
Could you re-do these elevations in a slightly different hue?
0170
Don't get me started about Critical Regionalism.
0169
Do you like the spacey new footbridge unveiled by the city today?
0168
Remember, a neighbourhood has a centre and an edge; something to give it focus, and a clear limit at its periphery.
0167
For this new master planning project, I'd like you to start by collecting precedents which define the vocabulary we're going to use and the vignettes we're going to tell.
0166
If this firm were a movie, who would play you?
0165
Is your hair really that colour?
0164
You've been pouring over that stack of shop drawings all afternoon.
0163
What are all these notes on your landscape plan?
0162
I'm going to lunch with a group of architect friends.
0161
I spent three days last week hand-rendering an illustrative master plan with markers, pencils and white gouache for our eport, to see it ultimately reduced to an eight-inch square and reproduced on our office copier at about 20 pages per minute.
0160
You seem chipper.
0159
¿?
0158
I heard your project got scaled down.
0157
Like the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle.
0156
Let me tell you about the goose hutch.
0155
We could proceed with the FAR and bonusing scheme as they are, but we're unsure of our prospects for success.
0154
I just saw a copy of the city's requirements for the mixed use project.
0153
I have, on one hand, an impossible programme adhered to by an intransigent client, where the building footprint strains at the very edges of the property setbacks—and in one nebulous instance, leans out over a side yard—and the total floor area ratio is simmering by means of subtle illusion somewhere north of 120% of allowable.
0152
Yes, the geese.
0151
So this is the great mixed-use project I've heard so much about.
0150
We'd like to err on the side of caution: we don't want to be hit with an unanticipated environmental requirement when we're further along in contract documents.
0149
As a final agenda item today, let's review our schedule.
0148
Are you working on one of my project files?
0147
Nice diatribe, Rage Cage.
0146
I've been thinking about your parkade plans.
0145
I don't want to seem as though I'm going around anyone's back, but I'm concerned about Phoncible's project.
0144
I don't get it.
0143
Oh, so it's your project now is it?
0142
I drew up a quick esquise, which highlights how this project could be an engine of urban renewal, and explicity demonstates this in plan and section.
0141
I love the start of a project, when the architects come to me with freshly-designed title blocks and spiffily-arranged bubble diagrammes.
0140
Don't you believe?
0139
After removing the vertical spaces, subtract any city-required service spaces such as the recycling area and the electrical transformer vault.
0138
That's a sharp-looking project you're working on there.
0137
We're in a jam.
0136
I heard they put you in charge of that sweet new mixed-use development.
0135
The schedule works, we have the staff, we're set up for success.
0134
We want you to lead this project.
0133
You wanted to see me?
0132
What are you doing this weekend?
0131
Playing Lego with my daughter is frustrating.
0130
After all that work, I can't believe the project went south.
0129
I need to specity a high-VOC paint.
0128
Hey, that's the old land use bylaw you're consulting.
0127
Those are the drawings you're submitting to the city?
0126
You know that architecture firm down the street with the office above the coffee house?
0125
In my proposal text, you've changed every instance of program into programme.
0124
Due to the dire state of the economy, we're putting a moratorium on all overtime.
0123
Have you seen this article? It says architecture is the fourth-happiest profession.
0122
These elevations that Revit produces look so flat and lifeless.
0121
This architects' Reality Check button is just the best.
0120
You look panicked.
0119
What lessons have you taken out of your experience in using Revit for Schematic Design?
0118
Our presentation deadline is nigh.
0117
I see you're using Revit for your project's Schematic Design.
0116
You've been in it for a few weeks now, how are you adjusting to using Revit?
0115
Did you know the Doug is 36?*
0114
I feel as though this project is giving me an ulcer.
0113
Am I ever stiff from using Revit 2010.
0112
Do you think all city planners really want to be architects?
0111
Last night I made a gingerbread house with my kids.
0110
As a response to the deteriorating prospects for new large-scale work, we've decided to position the firm as a design boutique.
0109
Can you believe our management?
0108
What's got you stretch so thinly?
0107
I have a problem with the title on my business cards.
0106
I have this empty cardboard box from the printshop.
0105
Playing with my daughter last night, I realized I can only remember the one architectural nursery rhyme.
0104
Clarify this for me: Does a north elevation drawing mean I'm viewing the building looking toward the north, or I'm being shown the north side of the building?
0103
You neve thanked me.
0102
What's going on with your ear?
0101
Did you review my presentation?
0100
Are you happy to be finished that last job?
0099
Why doesn't our firm have any swag?
0098
Can I get you to help out with our presentation model?
0097
That design looks a little too pedantic.
0096
What have you done to these drawing sets?
0095
I heard your wife just had a baby. Congratulations!
0094
Don't look so relaxed.
0093
Your consultant is here for your meeting.
0092
I went to the City's Urban Design Awards ceremony last night.
0091
Great halloween costume!
0090
I hear you passed the LEED accreditation exam.
0089
Some of us are going out at lunch to kick around the hackysack.
0088
I'm having some friends over to play Planopoly tonight.
0087
Why are the city's development permit requirements so onerous?
0086
I've been working on this mixed-use development permit set for eight months now.
0085
Where have you been all morning.
0084
Do you have plans for the weekend?
0083
Why are the planners at city hall called File Managers?
0082
I thought we were supposed to think of them as clients, not customers, the distinction indicating our continued responsibility to the urban environment and the profession at large in the face of un-architectural customer demands.
0081
Check it out, I've downloaded an architectural ticker for my cellphone.
0080
We've installed an auditing system on the water cooler.
0079
The weather is beautiful, I see nothing but blue sky out my window, I'm the first in the office, I have a hot cup of tea in front of me, a fresh set of drawings prepared, it's Friday and I'm wearing blue jeans at work.
0078
What's the huge plan for?
0077
These shafts look about right, your sections show sufficient allowance for pits and overruns, and I see you've drawn fire protected areas into which the elevators can decant, but you seem to have forgotten the space for the orchestra.
0076
What did you do this weekend?
0075
What do you feel are your strengths yadda yadda?
0074
Welcome back. How was your vacation last week?
0073
Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose factories dream and croak in the fog! Molock whose smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!
0072
Do we have any bandages in the office?
0071
I'm freaked out by airplanes.
0070
Do you ever read the Economist?
0069
I'm teaching myself banjo.
0068
You know what would be nice around here?
0067
Did you see that last architecture cartoon on the internet?
0066
Have you seen that cartoon series on the internet?
0065
Nice shades.
0064
What do you think of this battle between civilizations?
0063
Son, now that you've been an intern architect for a while, can you design me a house?
0062
Giuseppe, things aren't going so well at work.
0061
I'm thinking of buying a car.
0060
Nobody loves me.
0059
Watching the game tonight?
0058
Why don't we ever see any architect characters in the movies?
0057
…I approached this design from an oblique angle—not that I wanted to emphasize any notions the client may have about eclecticism—to test some preconceptions I had regarding…
0056
I bought a new iPod last night.
0055
What now?
0054
What is that smell?
0053
Do you ever hum to yourself while you draw?
0052
I'm heading out, have a great week everyone!
0051
Congratulations, this year your Christmas deficit is $2,000!
0050
Your car is blocking my parking spot.
0049
Can you lend me five bucks for lunch?
0048
I've been thinking about getting a dog.
0047
I'm having some of the office over tmorrow night for piña coladas.
0046
I'm exhausted.
0045
I'm broke.
0044
You've heard of personal injury lawyers who show up at accident scenes to offer their services to the victims?
0043
Where were you last week?
0042
How are you doing this week?
0041
Architects.
0040
Do we have any of that spray-on LEED™in the office?
0039
Are those new glasses you're wearing?
0038
I have reached a conclusion.
0037
Whatever happened to our merger with that massive international firm?
0036
Did you have a good long weekend?
0035
There sure are a lot of young female architects in this city.
0034
Michael, I know it's your last day as student with us, but I was wondering if this afternoon you could help me with a few design ideas for this pavilion project on the Adriatic.
0033
You've been staring at that elevation for some time.
0032
Would someone please exit AutoCAD, so I can use a licence?
0031
The pricing on your project has come in.
0030
Are you still in a foul mood?
0029
I've noticed that no one here wears a tie.
0028
Why doesn't anyone at this firm keep any photos of their families at their desks?
0027
I'll come back and ask later.
0026
Congratulations! We've decided to give you a promotion.
0025
The note on this plan confuses me.
0024
How do you think Brad Pitt is doing with his apprenticeship at Gehry's practice?
0023
0022
A little bird told me you've submitted your resignation.
0021
Some of us are going for a beer after work.
0020
I've got two extra tickets to our corporate box at the ballet.
0019
I'm having the worst day.
0018
Hear the news? Our firm has been sold.
0017
What are you doing?
0016
You know that feeling you get when you let your fingernails grow a little too long, then you handle something dusty or chalk, and then no matter how hard you scrub, your hands don't feel clean for the rest of the day?
0015
How's working with our senior technologist, the Doug?
0014
I don't understand these environmental requirements.
0013
The office is very quiet today.*
0012
It's about time I introduced you to our senior technologist.
0011
What is it you've drawn there?
0010
Hiya. What does CPAG stand for?
0009
Did you hear? Sir Norman Foster has been selected as design architect for that new office tower downtown.
0008
Where are we on those working drawings you started yesterday?
0007
So Emma, today's your last day with us?
0006
Why do you keep that bottle of rubbing alcohol beside your keyboard.
0005
Someone brought in cookies!
0004
You spent all weekend working on this public design charette?
0003
You seem down.
0002
Let me get this straight.
0001
How has your first week been at the office?
15
Son, now that you've graduated from architecture school, can you design me a house?
14
You've been staring at your drawing board for the entire time I've been standing here.
13
…and that's my multi-family residential project.
12
Oh, my…
11
Why don't we study much Frank Lloyd Wright at this school?
10
Are you spending much time working on building systems?
09
Do architects have a sense of humour?
08
I just dropped three large on tuition for the semester.
07
Why do so many architecture students build claustrophobic rabbit-warren enclosures around their studio spaces?
06
Thank goodness the semester is finally over.
05
Do you find your mind wandering during marathon crit sessions?
04
Why do architects wear so much black?
03
What do you think of the new foyer?
02
I did my plans like this and my section like this.
01
Man, sometimes these crits go un-freakin'-believably long.

© 2004–2016 Evan Spence