ARCHIMATECTS

il Pelicano

0959What's the first word that comes to mind when I say plumb?.
0958Pardon me?
0957I heard you called me an asshole.
0956Good morning. Ready to realize our firm's vision today?
0955Have you scheduled a 270-degree review for the tower?
0954Remember the 1989 Steve Martin movie Parenthood?
0953It's been weeks since the layoffs.
0952Mike asked you to be his mentor.
0951I've heard morale is poor.
0950I've heard morale is poor.
0949Mike asked me to be his mentor, for his internship.
0947Can you revise our latest RFP response so we can use it for this new proposal?
0946We've had to let Mike go.
0945I'm developing an architecture that follows necessity.
0944I feel terrible about having to let Mike go.
0943They laid off Mike
0942They laid off Mike
0941They laid off Mike.
0940They really want us to do our timesheets on time this week.
0939You have blue on your face.
0938A-Harmony Client Profile: New Money
0936A-Harmony Client Profile: Scion Of The Family Empire
0937A-Harmony Client Profile: Old Money
0935A-Harmony Client Profile: Savvy Builder
0934A-Harmony Client Profile: Government Thug
0933A-Harmony Client Profile: Flamboyant Developer
0932A-Harmony Client Profile: Marketing Drone
0931A-Harmony Client Profile: Designy Couple
0930I've signed us up for A-Harmony.
0929Our client told me you didn't want him at that City meeting.
0928You passed all your exams.
0927Argh not knowing!
0926If you don't check your exam results, you can't submit the cost of the exams as reimbursable expenses.
0925How long to get the development permit?
0924What's that contraption?
0923You're back.
0922You're back.
0921You're back.
0920So.
0919I'm back.
0918Pearl just discoverd that a number of techs have been pulled off her team without consulting her.
0917When I was 17 and working for the summer as a casual labourer at a nearby farm, I was given a bit of advice from a more senior farmhand, who very succinctly said “There are days for working and days for fucking the dog.”
0916Simon tells me you passed all your registration exams
0915What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0914What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0913What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0912What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0911What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0910What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0909People savour each morsel of their pre-cut meals, chewing and swallowing contemplatively.
0908What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0907What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0906What did you do the day you passed your registration interview?
0905Wait. Are you not checking your exam results because you're worried you might have to rewrite one of them, or because you're worred there's now no longer anything between you and actual registration?
0904Joanne, you must have gotten your exam results by now.
0903Did we issue two addendums to the contract?
0902I'm off to City Hall to get this building permit submitted
0901Why did our structural steel price come in at twice originally quoted amount?
0900Does anyone ever call you Red?
0899I wish I'd known now what I knew then.
0898What was the concept again?
0897Barneston billed four hours to my project for review?
0896How is it that on my CV the firm uses for proposals, I am touted as a Design Architect, with years of experience in managing complex programmes from a list of projects as long as my arm, but when it comes time for a performance review, I'm told I'm merely an intern architect, barely out of school.2014
0895Do the nut seats have to fully penetrate the dump station?
0894What typically triggers substantial performance?
0893Did the client provide a soils report and survey?
0892Why do the floor plates get larger part way up the tower, then return to their original size further up?
0891We have heard anecdotally that, upon reading one of this past year's comics, one of our readers has decided to take home some of the multitude of pairs of shoes previously inventoried beneath her desk.
0890Only 15 more weeks until training camp!
0889Yes.
0888Welcome back, Joanne. How did the ExAC go?
0887You've been an intern architect for how long?
0886Glad I'm not writing the ExAC today.
0885I hope Joanne has a reasonably relaxing weekend before the exam. Either she knows the material by now, or she doesn't.
0884Can I borrow your calculator? I leant mine to Joanne for the exam.
0883I'm having misgivings about not informing Joanne about the ExAC's Secret Section 5.
0882So Joanne is on the home stretch.
0881Where's Joanne today?
0880You appear calmer.
0878Joanne, can you please transmit this RFI response to the client?
0877Are you feeling a little better about yourself today?
0877You don't look well.
0876Who the hell are you?
0875My biggest client is nine months in arrears, the authority-having-jurisdiction hasn't returned my calls in a fortnight, the contractor has failed to properly frame the same pocket door three times, and I've just now dribbled coffee onto my crotch.
0874Hey, when did you get a doppelgänger?
0873Well? Aren't you going say something about my studying to try to make me crazy?
0872Did you have a good night of studying?
0871How did you manage to memorize all of the MasterFormat spec sections?
0870Are you studying Hanscombe?
0869I'll give you a hint: Remember the retaining wall diagramme from Ching.
0868I note that you've chosen to pursue the ExAC in lieu of the NCARBs.
0867Last night I finished reading Mastering The Business Of Architecture.
0866My motivation is lagging.
0865How did you approach studying the National Building Code?
0864What's your study regimen?
0863Have you been reading Ching's Building Construction Illustrated?
0862I heard you're writing the ExAC this year, Joanne.
0861Your drawing notes don't make sense.
0860Pretentious as hell, but probably the work of genius.
0859Have you seen Phoncible?
0858I am about to lose my shit.
0857Check this out.
0856Have you heard of our mechanical sub-trade called Building Systems Guys?
0855At 6:15 this morning my client texted me that he would not be able to make our 8:00 meeting, on account of food poisoning.
0854I have the teenage son of an old business associate coming by the office this afternoon.
0853I need a word for this design brief that means to tear open.
0852The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 12. Remorse
0851The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 11. Acceptance
0850The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 10. Indifference
0849The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 9. Depression
0848The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 8. Self-Doubt
0847The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 7. Bargaining
0846The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 6. Ugly Crying
0845The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 5. Anger
0844The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 4. Paranoia
0843The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 3. Denial
0842The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 2. Suspicion
0841The Twelve Stages Of Architecture: 1. The Honeymoon
0840Our mechnical trade has subcontrated a firm called Building Systems Guys.
0839Every time an architect sighs, an angel gets its wings.
0838I don't believe a little running stick man scurrying toward a rectange is any mroe clear a depiction of a path of emergency egress than a sign that clearly states EXIT in uppercase red letters.
0837Whoah. Why am I bleeding out of my ears?
0836If I had known the breakfast spread at this building code seminar was going to be this good, I would have skipped my Special K this morning.
0835Hi. On behalf of the author and the rest of the cast I'd like to address the matter of what we're calling around the office The New Optimism.
0834Architecture! It isn't a problem if it can be solved by architecture!
0833How are our accounts receivable looking for this client?
0832Morning.
0831I feel as though I'm starting to run down a little bit.
0830We can't possibly be at the end of our fee already.
0829Ready to help another client down the path of architectural righteousness?
0828Another three hour conference call with site?
0827I'm not certain I understand all of your newfound optimism.
0826Can you meet in a few minutes to review this month's management margin reports?
0825Morning. Morning. Aren't you going to say it?
0824I see your millwork came in north of $60,000.
0823I can't believe this happened.
0822Phoncible, if we concede victory in this wager, will you tone down the rhetoric?
0821Good morning. It's a great day for architecture!
0820We've changed the drive-through. Can you un-submit the mechanical site plan?
0819High five for architecture! Fist bump for architecture!
0818Did you make the coffee today, Phoncible? It's great.
0817You're quiet today.
0816We're resolved: no more grousing about the firm or the profession of architecture.
0815Okay, we're in: we won't complain about either our firm or our profession.
0814Are we all resolved? No more sniping at the firm or the profession of architecture?
0813According to this wager, we can't complain about the firm or the practice of architecture?
0812I'm serious about making a change in how we think of the firm we work for, and our positions within the profession.
0811Listen: either we change our attitudes toward our firm and our profession, or we'll ultimately wind up like so manny bitter, cynical professionals we've all encountered.
0810I know what to do. Follow my lead.
0809Wow. Feels almost quiet in here.
0808Phoncible, you should calm down about this salary review.
0807You need to drop this persecuted intern act and finally get registered.
0806Why do you think I should work for a lower salary this year—in real terms—than I did last year?
0805What exactly is this thing, anyway?
0804Looks like we're done for another year.
0803I already explained: we had a limited discretionary salary review budget.
0802That's less than the rate of inflation!
0801Oh, good. Salary reviews have begun.
0800It looks like it died screaming.2013
0799I'd like to know who keeps leaving a puddle of urine at the foot of the urinal.
0798You look al little haggard this morning, Hamilton.
0797I just received a phone call from the client.
0796Do you want to review the panel one more time before I print it?
0795I hate having to do project coordination: I'm just not suited to it.
0794Starbucks run?
0793You're walking quickly, with drawings under your arm. Leaving early for lunch?
0792Done.
0791Ready for ExAC Section 4?
0790Wow. ExAC Section 3 was much more reasonable.
0789Bring on Exam 3! Let's get this over with.
0788My goal for Exam 3 is to finish with enough time to review these questions I struggled with.
0787Any regrets about these first two sections?
0786Wow. Half done. This feels good.
0785Damn you, ExAC Section 2! Two of these possible answers mean exactly the same thing! Hey, who are you.
0784ExAC Section 2 is preposterous! I can't do 80 code reviews in three hours.
0783I'm glad we have a couple of hours before Section 2 of the exam.
0782Wow! What the hell was that? The ExAC Section One! Three more to go!
0781Wow! What's this! The ExAC Section One! We're writing it!
0780Here we are. The ExAC: Four exams, 12 hours, two days.
0779So Phoncible and Ginsberg are off for a few days, writing the ExAC.
0778All the exams at one. Very hardcore.
0777I'll be out of the office for the next three days. One last day to study and two days for the tests.
0776Maybe it's me, but pacing seven NCARB exams over a year-and-a-half seems much more reasonable than studying for six months and attempting four ExAC exams in two days.
0775How's studying for your exams going?
0774How's studying for your exams going?
0773Architecture is populated by very smart people.
0772Architecture is populated by very smart people.
0771How's studying for your exams?
0770What's the best thing about being registered?
0769What's the best thing about being registered?
0768What's the best thing about being registered?
0767What's the best thing about being registered?
0766What's the best thing about being registered?
0765What's the best thing about being registered?
0764There's something refreshing about a good, honest round of value engineering, after which you know the programme and the project have been properly examined and distilled to only those things that belong.
0763You know you're an architect when you measure your hair loss in terms of reduced R-value during the winter heating season.
0762Why have I never seen an org chart around here?
0761Good morning, Master Fieldhouse.
0760Good morning, Master Fieldhouse.
0759What the hell was that?
0758She was so scared that she jumped right out of the window and she ran all the way home.
0757Goldilocks finally opened her eyes and saw what she was up against.
0756“Humph,” said the goon with the guns. “Anarchists!”
0755(The latter being a representation of the gleeful sound of reams of paper contracts being assembled as as last defence of the partnership: obfuscation and intimidation.)
0754Then up the stairs went the three bears, with a thump thump thump, and a tro trot trot, and a skippity-skip-skip.
0753Then they all reprised the proposal. "Humph," said the public purse, like an unrepentatnt thug. "Someone has been doing the math."
0752"Landscakes!" said the private consortium in her middle-sized voice. "Some communist wants to eat the rich."
0751The moment they stepped back into the picture, they saw that someone had been asking questions.
0750Then out of the wilderness and back to their 3-P machinations came the three players — a great big public purse, a middle-sized private consortium, and a wee little partnership agreement.
0749Political favouritism was at least as old a practice as prostitution.
0748The great big monopol on the licit use of force was the very definition of government.
0747The Goldilocks went upstairs—metaphorically—and looked at the modi operandi.
0746The guaranteed profit was explicitly stated and unassailable.
0745Now Goldilocks spied the proposal. She evaluated the ongoing operating expenditure: typical government accounting games.
0744Goldilocks saw the three agendas. She understood the politcal agenda: reward their friends and punish their enemies. She understood the profit agenda: ratchet down on the professionals and monetize their risk. She understood the performance specification agenda: preserve appearances (and provide a bridging architect a tiny slice of fee).
0743That same morning, a little metaphorical girl representing rational conviction, but who we'll call Goldilocks, was traipsing through the issues.
0742But the proposal was too ridiculous for the voting public to digest, so the three Ps decided to lay low until the political shitstorm died down.
0741It proposed a great big ongoing operating expenditure for the public purse, a guaranteed profit for itself, and the myth of efficient, alternative funding enshrined in the partnership agreement.
0740One morning the private consortium made a proposal.
0739And behind the agendas were modus operandi—a great big monopoly on the licit use of force for the public purse, a middle-sized history of political favouritism for the private consortium, and a wee little phone book of loopholes for the partnership agreement.
0738And they had three agendas—a great big political agenda for the public purse, a middle-sized profit agenda for the private consortium, and a wee little optics agenda for the partnership agreement.
0737Once upon a time there were three Ps—a great big public purse, a middle-sized (by comparison) private consortium, and a wee little partnership agreement.
0736Goldilocks and the Public Private Partnership
0735No feeling like turning off the Blackberry.
0734Where's your landscape legend?
0733Welcome back. How was your vacation?
0732Interesting landscape plan.
0731You're wearing an undershirt under your shirt? It's summer. Aren't you hot?
0730How's studying for your exams coming along?
0729These elevations are staid, at best.
0728When is this closure I've heard about?
0727Last night I wrote doen all those memories I can recall from before the age of three.
0726Damnit, why doesn't the building code come with armoured holes for each page? I'm tired of all the well-used sections being just a collection of loose, ripped-out sheets.
0725Since this all happened, my oldest, five-year-old daughter has developed the habit of ritualized hugs and kisses.
0724Our lives have to go on, but I'm going to have to make some behavioural changes now that I'm a single parent.
0723We've been walking on eggshells for over two weeks. Can we just go back to making snide remarks about architecture?
0722How are you getting through this?
0721The year we met, when we both lived on the same floor of university residence, she gave me hell for packing up to leave at the end of the yar without properly having said goodbye.
0720How did it happen, Hamilton?
0719I guess this is what normal now feels like.
0718Today felt like just another day off the calendar.
0717What's this music on the PA system?
0716This comic is about architectural humour, not life and death.
0715This isn't the venue for a discussion about dealing with an unexpected death.
0714Fuck it. I'm out of here.
0713Where's Hammy?
0712Why a wristband?
0711Pretty sharp, right?
0710Flummoxed by how you could possibly wear more architectural flair?
0709I've taken it upon myself to increase the profile of the profession. I've designed an Arch-Strong writstband to increase public awareness of architects.
0708Our profession lacks attention.
0707Question for you: If I have a washroom that has a sink, a toilet and a urinal in one space without a partition, is that a one-man or two-man washroom?
0706You need to rewrite your performance review objectives. They have to be measurable.
0705I'm drawing a web comic about an architectural superhero. Can I test it out on you?
0704Are you planning on showing up?
0703I'm doing washroom elevations. Where should I locate the TP holder?
0702You peed yourself.
0701The client wants to ses a reconciliation of our last four invoices, broken down according to the categories listed on their purchase order, and further itemized according to which hours were spent on which drawings.
0700Do you ever worry we'll run out of comic material and we'll all wind up out of a job?*
0699You're saying it's taken you almost seven years after graduation to actually start feeling like an architect?
0698I've decided to write my registration exams this year.
0697That guy's always singing about architecture. Where does he work?
0696Eight o'clock, quittin' time, don't get paid for overtime. Crash and burn, return, listen to your stomach churn.
0695That's great, it starts with a survey, a programme, a site plan — Bruce Mao is not afraid. (To the tune of REM's The End Of The World As We Know It.
0694It says “Your AutoCAD session ended unexpectedly,” but it didn't crash. I just closed it.
0693When my wife and I are out for dinner with the kids, our rule is whoever is driving doesn't have even one drink.
0692You've heard the expression "Brave was the man who tried the first raw oyster," but what about all those things that someone might have tried that didn't turn out as successfully edible? Rhinoceros snot, for example.
0691It's ironic that we typically use dish cloths to clearn things we eat off of, when the dirtiest, most bacteria-infested item in the kitchen is that same cloth. It's a good exmaple of the habitual use of something ill-suited for a purpose.
0690Yesterday I received a letter from my bank saying the interest rate on my line of credit was going up by one percent.
0689Have you seen Hamilton? I have a couple of drawings for him to do.
0688How was your experience in the architectural clink?
0687Professional incarceration seems a little harsh for the mere expression of an idea.
0686Where's Hammy today?
0685Why did you quit your last job?
0684Why did you quit your last job?
0683Why did you quit your last job?
0682Why did you quit your last job?
0681Why did you quit your last job?
0680Why did you quit your last job?
0679Chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, chim-chim-cheree, I am an architect, I draw chim-ineys.
0678Eat failure. Shut success. Are we still on that?
0677Our civil consultant has said he won't lay down in front of the equipment to stop the client from excavating under winter conditions, but given the sensitivity of the floro slab and the presence of swelling clays, he strongly recommends against proceeding.
0676Ever have one of those days where you've accomplished more than you can belive, you're the only one who knows what you've done, but you feel exquisite anyway?
0675It's bad enough the name of our firm has the word vagina in it, now our business cards have vulgarity emblazoned across the back.
0674Good news, team. We're starting the New Year off with a new, can-do slogan and branding exercise.2012
06732012 Eat failure. Shit success.
0672It's a beautiful day in God's Country!
0671Atlas was permitted the opinion that he was at liberty, if he wished, to drop the Earth and creep away; but his opinion was all he was permitted.
0670Dear Editor: I am an intern architect. Some of my colleagues say there is no Architecture.
0669These pre-engineered warehouses are soul-destroying to draw.
0668What's this hatch long the elevation.
0667Are you finished with the main floor plan?
0666They're going to take the network down on the weekend to begin virtualizing the servers.
0665Could you vajazzle these plans for me?
0664We need to improve the look of these modulars. Could you vajazzle the skirting a bit?
0663Nice vajazzling.
0662How was your weekend?
0661Remember when you were a kid and you sat in your pile of Lego, putting together houses, robots, cars, whatever you might imagine?
0660Last night we put the oven on self-clean. Whatever residue that had been living at the bottom of the oven catches fire, and begins filling the hosue with smoke.
0659What certification level are we going for?
0658I've produced a fee estimate based on the Association's recommended percentages for professional services.
0657Forget it. No one will ever look there.
0656Ooh, that is hot.
0655Contemporary tower design makes me crazy. The floor plates change from level to level, so none of the efficiencies of repetition are realized.
0654In your outline spec, what do you mean by “gdoing-gdoing-gdoingy thingy?”
0653It's 1:30.
0652All of the columns are going to be clad as part of the tenant improvement package, so we're not going to waste any of the base building budget on expensive concrete finishes. That means no sack rubbing.
0651Here are the FAR bonusing calculations we promised to the client. I'm sorry they took so long to…
0650I've just been asked to do a bylaw analysis and best-highest use determination for a new site in the suburbs.
0649“Where are the condocs?” say the bells of St. Thomas.
0648Thank you for taking all that time yesterday to explain BOMA ratios to me. I couldn't have finished these project net leasable statistics without your help. Truly.
0647It's nice to take transit really early in the morning.
0646“So now,” says the partner, “Now that I've thought, my professional obligations just can't be forgot. So here's a chance for you, young turk, have a go at this new piece of work.”
0645I spoke for the proforma, he developer, the bylaw, at the cost of every green feature I saw.
0644She spun on her heels and made a bee-line for the door, leaving an indignant pause behind.
0643The intern begged off, no more work to be done. I sat in my office, alone, save one.
0642Just right then an intern came in, bearing the printouts with the markups I'd sent him. He spread them on my desk and we all took a peek at the gridlike pattern across that stark sheet.
0641“Would it have been so hard to look at the sky, and take a few notes as the sun passes by, to know that November isn't July?”
0640“It's a longshot too... Have I gotten through to you? How can we present a site plan like this? Your intensification is too hard to miss.”
0639“I am the LEED AP,” she declared and she shouted. Then she took out her spreadsheet and over it pouted.
0638So I jiggered the site plan, I jiggered the green roof. I jiggered the PV panels (I gave them the boot.)
0637I felt somewhat pensive, she had a point, but even so, the proforma had spoke: the pavers had to go, regardless of credits and rondels you know.
0636But the next day she showed up at my door for a fight. She lisped “I'm the LEED AP I speak for the site, which you have made virtually watertight!”
0635Then what a curious thing, how the spreadhseet did sing! Oh the value that an architect can bring!
0634So the team lit out on the site plan I had started. The whole crew ensured it was entirely park-ed.
0633The constant stream of interruptions for the sake of snippy dialogue isn't doing our narrative any favours.
0632“I repeat,” cried the LEED AP, “I count up the credits.”
0631I laughed at her list, that glorified squit. Checklists and credits won't pay the rent.
0630“Hey LEED AP,” I said, “There's no cause for a tiff. It will cost us one point, it won't make a diff.”
0629And before I forgot I had changed the amount I took out the spreadsheet and I updated the count.
0628But those trees! Those trees! Those deciduous trees! I had specified whichever trees that I pleased.
0627And after the trees, I drew pervious pavers saving our stormwater plan a few acres and meshing the driveway more fully with nature.
0626Way back at the time the project was still new-y the team was still hopeful and their eyes were still dewy.
0625Killing time in his office, he's content to chat about consequences, results, and this-and-that.
0624You won't see this partner on the studio floor. He stays in his office and closes the door. And he sketches by hand because his CAD skills are poor.
0623The LEED AP (pronounced Leedapp)
0622Are you eating my peanut butter?
0621Gah! Why are all the CAD templates a mess of criss-crossed lines?
0620Why have you drawn such an expensive roof?
0619Somewhere along the line I went from tucking my shirt directly into my pants, to unbuckling my belt and pants to tuck in my shirt. When and why did that change happen?
0618While you were gone for those few weeks, there was no one to update the Friday breakfast club schedule.
0617Am I to understand the standard pen table has changed during my latest absence?
0616Hamilton, I'm concerned about your materials legend.
0615Has mechanical seen these latest plans?
0614Windsor, Half-Windsor or Four-in-hand?
0613I usually have the bourbon, followed by a beer chaser, then take my time with the scotch.
0612What did you do on the weekend?
0611What happened? I spent the night at the site so I could watch the sun rise and understand its movement across the land.
0610Are we getting a survey soon?
0609I've got to get the cost consultant, the job captain and the client to the site. My convertible seats three at the most, so I'll be making multiple trips.
0608One-two-three on Phoncible, Hammy and Pearl!
0607The JPEG of his stamp is different every time. He leaves smudges of himself on charcoal. City planners ask him for fewer drawings sets. The more ink he uses, the simpler his drawings become. While on the Ground Tour, the locals draw him.
0606When I was eleven, I spent an entire spring building a tree house in a nearby gully with two friends of mine.
0605Would it be a problem with the city if the building height crept upward by ten inches?
0604Can you write up the minutes for that meeting?
0603Honestly? I have no clue. Use the architectural leafblower.
0602OMG! What have you drawn?
0601Do you ever worry we'll run out of comic material and we'll all wind up out of a job?*
0600Phoncible, we're happy to offer you back your position at the firm.
0599Archimatects Oat Cakes
0598As the days passed, Phoncible found himself thinking of his last office.
0597You, Phoncible, learned so much about representation that you didn't have to go through hundreds of projects to arrive where you are.
0596Where are all the architects?
0595The memory of his previous life was falling away.
0594In the weeks that followed, Phoncible learned there was a pent-up demand for non-photorealistic visualization.
0593So this is self-employment.
0592The offer came in the evening, by email. Could he fix this model and extract a fly-through for Monday's council meeting?
0591With the same slavish obedience to style he laid out an updated portfolio and resume.
0590Phoncible Schneidmiller Fieldhouse spent the rest of the week alone, reworking hsi portfolio with the Technique.
0589Fired…
0588 Phoncible, did you open the project Revit central file last night?
0587 When Phoncible returned to the office, there was a meeting in full swing in the gathering area.
0586By sunup, Phoncible had ironed out most of the wrinkles in his new technique.
0585His resolution of a moment before was forgotten, washed away with the Photoshop filters.
0584He was locking the office's front door when it dawned on him: layers!
0583He felt better for his decision to be just another Revit disciple.
0582The key, he realized at last, would be to model the textures more faithfully and to apply a style.
0581Where he fell down was adding colour. At that scale, it was impossible to add raster images as texture without incurring horrible moiré effects across all the like-applied materials.
0580It wasn't too long before Phoncible was off on his own again, laying down construction lines, extruding faces, happy, productive.
0579He had long since concluded that when he drew exclusively in plain old AutoCAD, he could concentrate longer on what he was drawing, not how he was drawing it.
0578This kind of thinking, he found, was not a successful method to endear himself to his employers.
0577In point of fact, Phoncible was not an architect at all. He was an intern architect, according to the strict defences imposed by his professional association.
0576It was morning, and new light slanted across the rows of unoccupied workstations.
0575(To the tune of Steve Earles The Devils Right hand) About the time that AutoCAD was in version oh-four, I saw my first copy in the back of Record.
0574You were sick yesterday?
0573To paraphrase, the code requires us to provide quick and convenient access to the building generator.
0572Were not submitting drawings tomorrow. The client doesnt want to proceed. The project is off.
0571Trouble. Starbucks has taken the text of their logo.
0570Happiness is drawing SketchUp crickets.
0569Did you just send me a GotoMeeting invitation?
0568Your structure interferes with the mechanical runs.
0567What's this?
0566I'm heading down to Starbucks. Do you want a coffee?
0565It's one thing to stand on the shoulders of giants. It's quite another to walk in their footsteps.
0564I heard you don't appreciate the proper method of drawing an eight.
0563I see you got your development permit approved.
0562It took a week of casual inquiry, but I discovered a third way of drawing an eight: Four arcs drawn vertically can be assembled into a tidy glyph.
0561The client wants us to estimate what the premium would be to do the project as a LEED-silver building.
0560You'll have to move the elevator core about three feet. We need to be able to get some shoring in there.
0559Do we have a standard for labelling these things?
0558Remember R.E.M.'s first major-label album, Green, which had an orange cover?
0557I love seeing construction workers in the bar in the late morning, enjoying a pint.
0556When I was in kindergarten, the teacher asked if anyone knew how to draw the number eight.
0555Why are there two grand pianos on this plan?
0554Change your drawing labels. Man holes should more accurately be called access port covers.
0553How-do-you-do.
0552I'd like to introduce everyone to Dagny Straphanger, who is joining us as part of the merger as a Senior Partner.
0551We've been spending money on speculative design work and losing proposals for too long.
0550What have you drawn at the base of the stair?
0549Do you worry that submitting so many sets of revised plans will cost you credibility with the city file handler?
0548Hello, people. Look at yourself, now back at me, now back at yourself, now back at me.
0547It finally happened.
0546Our cost consultant says that given the current market conditions, steel will be the most economic structural system.
0545You have to show a man-door for fire exiting.
0544Your jazzy little tea diffuser looks exactly like a Pantone!
0543Le Corbusier said “I prefer drawing to talking. Drawing is faster, and leaves less room for lies.”
0542Are all of your washrooms laid out with banks of three urinals?
0541You shaved.
0540I think I'm coming down with something.
0539This just occurred to me.
0538Great looking elevations. Nice proportions.
0537You want me to drawn muntin bars on these windows?
0536I'm getting a new roof put on my house, and I'm feeling bad about pitching 15 squares of old three-tab fibreglass ashphalt shingles into the landfill.
0535Someone said you were an anarchist. Is that true?
0534That music is quite… insistent.
0533revit elevations look bad improve revit elevations make elevations in revit look better*
0532Your section's lineweights looked a little peculiar, so I opened one of your CAD drawings.
0531Happy Valentine's Day!
0530I've got it!
0529I pick up the phone and call Naturally.
0528Look, if I call the technician, someone is going to pick up the phone. Who takes the call?
0527You know I used to work for a cost consultant.
0526Do you have a cost consultant?
0525You've got a code consultant on the team?
0524I want to know what's the guy's name of the structural engineer?
0523You don't want who as the electrical engineer?
0522What's the technician's name?
0521What's the guy's name with the copy of Revit?
0520All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name who does all the drafting.*
0519Who gets the money…
0518Look, you've got a draftsman?
0517I mean the fellow's name.
0516Welcome to the project team. Should I give you a quick briefing before our project meeting?
0515What's the funniest thing you've ever seen?
0514I read a statistic somewhere that suggests architects have to know more disparate types of information than brain surgeons.
0513Why didn't we get a Christmas bonus this year?
0512Sagittarius
0511Scorpio
0510Libra
0509Virgo
0508Leo
0507Cancer
0506Gemini
0505Taurus
0504Aries
0503Pisces
0502Aquarius
0501Capricorn
0500Recently I've headed up an entirely new extradisciplinary division with completely new team members and projects.2011
0499You're back? I thought you left to head up your independent engineering consultancy.
0498This engineering sub-discipline isn't going to work out.
0497What's different about working so closely with engineers?
0496I don't suppose you'll even attempt some sort of weakly explanatory apology for your betrayal last week?
0495How are the firm's first few engineering projects?
0494One neat trick I've learned while running with these engineers is auto-disbursements.
0493How did you get selected to run the engineering department?
0492How's the engineering hiring drive going?
0491Where are you going to attract all the necessary engineering talent?
0490So you've been chosen to head up our new engineering department.
0489Proposing that an architecture firm can just launch an engineering division from scratch is almost disrespectful of an entire profession.
0488What do we know about running an engineering firm?
0487We've decided to add an engineering department.
0486Why do engineers wear iron rings?
0485I can't make the client-lead working session.
0484Dough, a fee, a measley fee, Ray, tracing light across the floor.
0483We need to start collecting retainers from clients.
0482The tender set is done, but we shouldn't release it until we get a cheque from the client.
0481Security is when, as a child, you are being driven home at nighttime by your parents.
0480Now he does not have much time to live.
0479During the many years the intern, no longer young, watches the sentinel non-stop.
0478The intern, who has equipped himself well for a wait, occupies his time with everything at his disposal.
0477But as he now examines the sentinel more closely, in his one-size-too-small oxford, his large bulbous nose and his anachronistic moustache, he decideds it would be best if he waited for permission to go inside or, at the very least, a number.
0476Before the counter sits a sentinel.
0475Can we leave for the subconsultants' meeting now?
0474You're not coming to the lunch-and-learn.
0473Odd.
0472New hair.
0471It's not going to work.
0470I've never noticed before.
0469Four eyes.
0468These heavy frames really bracket my vision.
0467Those look like stereotypical architect's glasses.
0466That's a new look for you.
0465Why do people love architects?
0464Why do people love architects?
0463Why do people love architects?
0462Why do people love architects?
0461Why do people love architects?
0460Why do people hate architects?
0459Why do people hate architects?
0458Why do people hate architects?
0457Why do people hate architects?
0456Why do people hate architects?
0455The client is withholding payment of our invoice until they sell the first units.
0454Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused?
0453Wouldn't Apprentice Architect be a more suitable term than Intern Architect?
0452We need to come up with a better title than Intern Architect.
0451So why all the uppercase?
0450Who peed in your Rice Krispies?
0449What's this on the second floor plan?
0448What are these images doing in this folder?
0447FibreC Glassfibre Concrete is now available in a new slat format!
0446Could you please keep the ruckus down?
0445Good morning. How are you?
0444I'm having trouble extruding this doubly-curved sinusoidal shape in SketchUp.
0443I hate how SketchUp just drops faces from complex, non-orthogonal geometry at scales smaller than 1/16 inch.
0442I don't get it. We devote two weeks worth of cartoons to Revit—which none of us like or use—but we have only ever occassionally mentioned SketchUp, which is the architectural visualization tool that we all use and enjoy.
0441How was your weekend?
0440You know of the expression “It's not the fall that kills you…”
0439Were we going to rate these shafts?
0438Welcome back from vacation.
0437About this site layout you've sketched.
0436How did you presentation go?
0435Please review this invoice before I send it off to the client.
0434How's Schematic Design coming along?
0433Listen up: we've change the name of the firm and have adopted a new model of operation.
0432Yikes. This Kieran Timberlake monograph is $240 on Amazon.
0431I can't shake this lassitude.
0430I can't shake this lassitude.
0429I can't shake this lassitude.
0428We're over budget for schematic design.
0427These perspectives would be more artful if they were drawn by hand.
0426Polychromy! Monochromy!
0425Why are you hesitating? Draw the gable end.
0424A number of architects I once knew. Smart ones, efficient ones, ambitious ones too.
0423Big plans! We're opening offices in Abu Dhabi, Barcelona and Perth.
0422I give up. I can't do what Kid Architect does.
0421I tried rolling like Kid Architect in a subconsultants meeting today.
0420Is Kid Architect coming in today?
0419How far did you get on the streetside elevation?
0418I see a stone terrace… across the whole site, with mile-high float glass to the podium height.
0417How did the main branch library project interview go?
0416This is going to be transformative.
0415Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy…
0414Kid Architect is making a tour stop here!
0413I've given some consideration to what you said about Francesco Borromini.
0412“Where we once squeezed glue, we must now string stirrups. Where once there was a platform frame, we must now cast a hearth. Where once we had…”
0411I finished reading your Redemptive Brutalism manifesto — at least those parts of it that weren't completely obscured by seemingly unrelated graphics, or senselessly scrawled in illegible cursive.
0410“Where Brutalism has failed in the past, it has not been due to the intrinsic qualities of the material, it has been due to the haptic gap between the institutionally-scaled megablock projects favoured by its practitioners, and the entrenched, preferred North American culture of construction.
0409 If Redemptive Brutalism is going to become a true ism, it's going to have to cast light on some sort of social benefit.
0408 You're trying to revive brutalism?
0407 The secret to a good architectural manifesto is to come up with a catchy name, then apply it to a graphically choked book so long and rambling no one will ever sit down to read it in its entirety.
0406406 I need a side project. I'm thinking of developing a new ism.
0405 Would ninja's have actually made good architects?
0404 My ninja-architect power would be to get any drawing set through the gatekeepers at the city permit desk, every time.
0403 Architects are like ninjas in plenty of ways.
0402 Could a scale be a weapon?
0401Ani DiFranco says every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.
0400What a beautiful afternoon.
0399My word, that's strong.
0398We're issuing new business cards for everyone. We've added the slogan Organic Architecture.
0397It's tough finding well-set children's books.
0396Project Kafka is back on!
0395Oh no. Did your daughers back-lapse?
0394Do you have salary expectations as a result of this performance review?
0393The profession comes with an instruction manual, right?
0392Working late?
0391Like I was saying, Doug is amazing. Ask him about different operable windows.
0390We'll go around the second storey with hopper—I mean awning—windows.
0389You're here early.
0388A dart board—fun!—but why are all the numbers different?
0387What's your favourite screen colour in which to draft?
0386The chimneys on this building interrupt the rhythm of tis facade, as if each were a lone rib sticking up from a carcass.*
0385Ripped jeans?
0384What do you think are the top-ten, most-often used AutoCAD commands?
0383I picked up your plot by mistake.
0382What exactly were you doing just now?
0381Days turn to minutes, and minutes to timesheets.
0380I sure do love working with the Oren-Neyer-Bin shader.
0379On your performance review form, under strengths, you wrote “great hair.”
0378How does your exhaustion from parenthood compare to the types of exhaustion—stress, deadlines and overtime—we've all experienced in the service of architecture?
0377Still? Man, at some point, your baby girls are going to have to let you get some sleep.
0376World Cup is over.
0375If you use a plate, then rinse it off right away without using soap, is it still considered clean?
0374Seriously? You laid out each of these sheets without regard to where the plans above and below are positioned on the sheet?
0373Our consultants are impossible.
0372I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday.
0371Are you enrolled in the GBCA credential maintenance programme?
0370Why don't you at least draw a detail that introduces a thermal break, so the two beams only appear to be penetrating the thermal envelope?
0369What's this deep beam doing on the exterior?
0368Dwell magazine is so refreshing.
0367I don't buy your argument.
0366Why not trade in that old clunker of yours, and do something for the environment?
0365365 You look better. Are you finally getting enough sleep?
0364Speaking of sounding like architecture, do you know any popular songs about architecture?
0363This year's RAIC Festival of Architecture is using the Leaning Tower of Pisa as their logo.
0362How did you originally come to the decision to enter the field of architecture?
0361Yesterday before coming to work I was in one of the city's most viable, pedestrian-oriented neighbourhoods.
0360I've come around on that architexts.us web comic.
0359You're really wound up about this Architexts web comic.
0358I don't care what you think of Modulor Man. Architexts.us is horning in on our business.
0357What is it you find so appealing about Modulor Man?
0356Have you seen that new web comic, concerned with the daily tribulations of a notional architect's office?
0355Last night while I was washing my daughter's hair, my mind kept wandering to the materials palettes I've been working on this past week.
0354Nice shirt.
0353The computer just told me “The wizard has sent your job to the printer.”
0352Year site plan is all screwed up.
0351With the various architecture associations doing such a fine job of limiting access to the profession, I wonder who will be around in the future to take over the firms.
0350I've been informed the Association is now only accepting intern hours in six-month quanta, and only within two months of the last logged hour.
0349I think we're going to have to get serious about finding a new corporate slogan.
0348Would it be accurate to describe the erasure of windows on an elevation as defenestration, or do you actually have to throw someone out of one for it to count?
0347It looks like management is back at it, in another all-day strategic planning session.
0346Aren't you going to today's lunch-and-learn?
0345How's progress on studying for your exams?
0344Intern Architect → Registered Architect
0343Couldn't you have found a more regionally appropriate form than a salt-box house?
0342Not drawing?
0341Son, you've been an intern for over five years now. Can you design me a house?
0340The new logo looks good.
0339Your elevation is at odds with itself.
0338I just went for a walk down First Street, where all that new development is taking place.
0337The city rejected the cribber's tree protection plan.
0336Since this is a new project, and I don't want to be caught out late in the game by an unforeseen regulatory restriction, I took the morning to check the relevant regulations from all the authorities having jurisdiction.
0335There wasn't much time, but I managed to draw up these quick elevations of our sketch plan.
0334When I asked this one engineer from a prospective firm to clarify how they typically deal with architects, he said their policy was to let the architects bounce from one contrived emergency to the next until their fee was consumed, after which he would submit one final drawing.
0333In aid of selecting structural, mechanical and electrical engineers to include on this proposal, I've created a spreadsheet score card that reflects each potential subconsultant's proposal in a number of categories.
0332What do you call someone who graduates last-in-his-class from medical school?
0331I'm torn.
0330How can I put this delicately…
0329The puzzling thing about my new daughter is, she's so unlike the rest of my family.
0328You had better explain this site plan to me.
0327I think it's funny how I've spent all day hand-rendering elevations at work, while at home my three-year-old daughter has probably spent a good portion of her day likewise colouring.
0326The Handbook of Practice is rife with spelling and formatting errors.
0325A curiosity of the profession is that occupants—the ultimate users of the product of our craft—often have little direct say in how the building is designed and implemented.
0324Are you ready for tonight's community open house?
0323The association doesn't allow partnerships for the purposes of practicing architecture unless all partners are of good character.
0322Architects always take the blame.
0321Remember those sets of unit options I had you draw up?
0320I love the beginning.
0319I'm skeptical about some of your master plan's environmental claims.
0318This pedestrian bridge competition debacle has highlighted something about the profession.
0317Clarify for me this bruhaha around the pedestrian bridge design competition, wherein some architects were censured by the association and some weren't.
0316Still coming down off the Banff Session?
0315The best thing about architecture is it's accessible to all walks of life.
0314I don't think we've finished our conversation on your perceptions of city planners.
0313I wonder what goes through the minds of the framers who work on our projects.
0312That plan is ridiculous.
0311The new baby must take up almost all of your time.
0310Congratulations on the birth of your new daughter.
0309How's the new addition?
0308I ride the bus every day.
0307How do you like living in NEW CONDOMINIUM DEVELOPMENT?
0306How has your studying of the Handbook of Practice been coming along?
0305I just read that the Association is reviewing the requisite number of hours for the various intern experience categories.
0304Why do you suppose a hipster would be unhappy?
0303This Unhappy Hipsters web site is hilarious.
0302We need to talk about how you're marking up these design drawings.
0301We never discuss the responsibility in our work to protect public health and safety.
0300Have you ever had a matter brought before the Association's discipline committee?
0299I've just learned it's considered professional misconduct to perform any act that would reflect unfavourably on the profession.
0298I'm confused.
0297In light of my present studying of the Handbook of Practice, I've been reconsidering some of the firm's past actions in the context of ethics and conduct.
0296Did you know our Association used to consider it professional misconduct for architects to advertise their own practices?
0295I have a question for the two of you.
0294My neck is stiff.
0293I'm heading down to City Hall to submit this Development Permit. Any advice?
0292Does the pressure of over-arching duty to the public realm, coupled with life-long professional liability ever get to you.
0291You brought up the matter of our fee very tactfully in that meeting.
0290The open plan is to work spaces as the Radiant City is to town planning.
0289They say architects join the profession due to a desire to improve the environment in which people live and work.
0288Many architecture firms seem to specialize in one area of endeavour.
0287This list of acronyms used in the design and construction industry provided at the front of the Handbook of Practice sure is convenient…*
0286Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0285All week I've pandered to clietns, kowtowed to corporate standards, babysat consultants and coaxed grudging performances out of team members.
0284The past year's financial crises have expanded my vocabulary.
0283These oat cakes are especially delicious today.
0282My mom always asks if Frank Lloyd Wright is my favourite architect.
0281Was that your mother you were talking to on the phone?
0280Peoples' perceptions of architects are way off.
0279The master plan drawings for that red light district look sweet.
0278Did you ever discover any more architectural nursery rhymes?
0277Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0276Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0275Are you going to try for any of the new LEED accreditations?
0274Are you going to get one of the new LEED accreditations?
0273Have you seen all the new categories of LEED accreditation?
0272Your focus group panels are gorgeous.
0271Wow. That's a large watch.
0270Thanks for taking the time to work out these construction sequencing details.
0269I used to think these big publci projects would be the key to the firm's ongoing prosperity, but their reality is more grim than I imagined.
0268Senior management has been sequestered in that boardroom all day.
0267What did you just call me?
0266I feel as though the client blindsided us with his expectations in that meeting.
0265Please change the text colour on these panels from blue to green.
0264Do you like my street elevation?
0263You look uncomfortable.
0262Our white ink on white ink business cards aren't working out.
0261You've worn the same shirt three days in a row.
0260The client has really started to chisel us on the fee.
0259Architecture is boring.
0258Your presentation boards look very presentation.
0257Why does your title block say Gordon Brown?
0256These sketches could use a bit of sprucing up: more entourage and a hit of colour perhaps.
0255I've been digging through these monographs, looking for relevant precedent material, and I must say, I'm really starting to appreciate a lot of Robert Stern's work.
0254Can you meet with me now to go over these plans?
0253I've been meaning to ask. What are the firm's succession plans?
0252These new trousers were expensive, but they're worth it.
0251It must be hard, trying to maintain your principles as a libertarian while at the same time being involved in such an interventionist profession as architecture.
0250Your Fountainhead sequel is offensive to the entire profession of planning.
0249I think the reaction to the Fountainarse has been pretty much as expected.
0248Ach. That Fountainhead sequel was a tough slog.
0247Construciton is winding up on Steer's renovation.
0246At the proceedings' end, Hobie Roark slouched at the back of the room, facing the commissioners.
0245My act of loyalty to my profession and every city planner who ever lived and was made to decide between stamped or tinted concrete was the filing of this appeal.
0244Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.
0243The primal need of a city planner is certainty.
0242At his turn, Roark stood before the commissioners.
0241Without even the peremptory rap of a gavel, the proceedings began.
0240They faced one another over the boardroom table at Planning Commission.2010
0239One-hundred years of standards laid out by City departments—standards as the prime rule of law—obey or be denied—submit now or receive a stop-work order later&mdash-kowtow like everyone who came before—do what you wish, within the space allotted—don't draw outside the lines—obey, obey, obey…
0238A newspaper fluttered down, sweeping along the sidewalk.
0237So you're not going to do anything about the Mayor's application?
0236Here's the thing, Spatchcock: I've been considering the problem of city walks for years.
0235Hobie, I'm sorry, but Stewpot Fontanelle has overridden your comments on the Mayor's development permit application.
0234Your application is of no concern to me.
0233What brings the Mayor to my office?
0232He looked at the fluorescent light on the walls around him.*
0231Are you going to take care of this set for me or not?
0230Can you approve this set of plans for me?
0229How aer things with you this fine morning, Hobie?
0228Shinplaster found himself incapable of backing up his stance in the Mayor's presence, however.
0227Your father—the Mayor— as well?
0226What was it you wished to tell me?
0225Many said Goliath Steer's best asset—perhaps his only asset—was the way he looked.
0224She looked at him and smiled.
0223Ms. Steer-Biggerman, you're back to see me?
0222To look upon Stewpoet Fontanell was to immediately yield to his firm, uncompromising gaze.
0221You rejected my application because why?
0220He took her drawing set.
0219She wondered, waiting at he approvals counter, if she had nothing better to do, nothing but this desk, presented to her, the drawings to be judged and denied, exposed to the world; the plans and street elevations and the landscape plans were his and could not then belong to any one else's workload—until 4:15 that day—his, as his forehead, his brow; here was the stamp he had made and the solid little lump within him that caused him to use it, the motive and the power together, obvious in every crease on his face, every fold of skin on his body, a bureaucrat's self, hers for this decision, hers by virtue of her coming down here and submitting the requisite $281 plus a $24 advertising fee.
0218Can I help you Miss…?
0217This was all of life for Hobie Roark, as it had been in the days of the prior to weeks.
0216Very well, Miss Steer-Biggerman.
0215Miss Steer-Biggerman, is there no way I can convince you to choose some other paving treatment?
0214Miss Steer-Biggerman, a please to see you.
0213Mr. Roark, I see your stamp on this development permit.
0212I have this plan, Hobie, it's quite good as ti is, I'll probably just stamp it and send it on up to City Roads for Ultimate Approval, but I thought you might like to have a look at it before I did, just for your own information…
0211Thought I'd drop by and see what was new with you, Hobie.
0210Excuse me, I know you must be busy tying up applications before your upcoming retirement, but I wanted to discuss a few issues with you before you go.
0209I noticed you added a Prior-to-Decision note to this application requiring a change to the public walk paving pattern.
0208Heller studied the man who sat facing him.
0207He looked at the stacks of applications in front of him—every one of them with a site plan, a streetside rendering, a shadowing diagramme, a bonusing count and a litany of other mandated drawings—and he saw that they existed for him.
0206I finished my sequel to the Fountainhead.
0205Wouldn't writing a sequel to the Fountainhead be an enormous undertaking?
0204All this talk about the Fountainhead has inspired me.
0203The problem with the Fountainhead is it misses critical philosophical component.
0202I heard you're somewhat of an authority on the Fountainhead.
0201No one in our profession ever talks about the Fountainhead.
0200How are you doing on fulfilling your registration requirements?
0199Statement or inquiry, divulging the topic and intent of the cartoon.
0198Do you agree with the premise that humour is cruelty?
0197The new instant coffee tastes different.
0196I just had a look at your performing arts centre's interior renderings.
0195The product rep is coming by on Thursday.
0194Whatever happened to that residential twin-tower project?
0193You always note a quarter of an hour in your timesheets on Mondays, with the comment “Timesheets.”
0192If I were a rock star, I would already be at the height of my creative prowess.
0191If I were a rock star, at this stage of my career I would have already created my masterpiece, and I could now be contemplating my legacy.
0190Anyone have a riding crop in the office?
0189Now that you work for the city, what do you do with all your spare time?
0188I can't believe you work for the city now.
0187I heard the development firm you were working for went under.
0186Your design for the Bear Sterns building is stunning.
0185I think I know why we haven't been winnign any proposals.
0184Newsflash: Hömwerk Architects was just acquired by Borgtec.
0183We have to ensure we don't increase the total building heigth.
0182How does this affect us for LEEDS?
0181Some of us are going to the bar tonight to celebrate the completion of our latest permit submission.
0180Why do you insist on placing a horrid little ™ symbol after LEED on my business cards?
0179What did the client think of you doing the meeting minutes in haiku?
0178I love haiku.
0177I can't get these drawings to plot, and I've got a meeting with the client in ten minutes.
0176Are you still high on Nyquil?
0175Oh?
0174I'm re-wiring the lights in my hallway.
0173I can't see the changes you've made.
0172This drawing is blank.
0171Could you re-do these elevations in a slightly different hue?
0170Don't get me started about Critical Regionalism.
0169Do you like the spacey new footbridge unveiled by the city today?
0168Remember, a neighbourhood has a centre and an edge; something to give it focus, and a clear limit at its periphery.
0167For this new master planning project, I'd like you to start by collecting precedents which define the vocabulary we're going to use and the vignettes we're going to tell.
0166If this firm were a movie, who would play you?
0165Is your hair really that colour?
0164You've been pouring over that stack of shop drawings all afternoon.
0163What are all these notes on your landscape plan?
0162I'm going to lunch with a group of architect friends.
0161I spent three days last week hand-rendering an illustrative master plan with markers, pencils and white gouache for our eport, to see it ultimately reduced to an eight-inch square and reproduced on our office copier at about 20 pages per minute.
0160You seem chipper.
0159¿?
0158I heard your project got scaled down.
0157Like the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle.
0156Let me tell you about the goose hutch.
0155We could proceed with the FAR and bonusing scheme as they are, but we're unsure of our prospects for success.
0154I just saw a copy of the city's requirements for the mixed use project.
0153I have, on one hand, an impossible programme adhered to by an intransigent client, where the building footprint strains at the very edges of the property setbacks—and in one nebulous instance, leans out over a side yard—and the total floor area ratio is simmering by means of subtle illusion somewhere north of 120% of allowable.
0152Yes, the geese.
0151So this is the great mixed-use project I've heard so much about.
0150We'd like to err on the side of caution: we don't want to be hit with an unanticipated environmental requirement when we're further along in contract documents.
0149As a final agenda item today, let's review our schedule.
0148Are you working on one of my project files?
0147Nice diatribe, Rage Cage.
0146I've been thinking about your parkade plans.
0145I don't want to seem as though I'm going around anyone's back, but I'm concerned about Phoncible's project.
0144I don't get it.
0143Oh, so it's your project now is it?
0142I drew up a quick esquise, which highlights how this project could be an engine of urban renewal, and explicity demonstates this in plan and section.
0141I love the start of a project, when the architects come to me with freshly-designed title blocks and spiffily-arranged bubble diagrammes.
0140Don't you believe?
0139After removing the vertical spaces, subtract any city-required service spaces such as the recycling area and the electrical transformer vault.
0138That's a sharp-looking project you're working on there.
0137We're in a jam.
0136I heard they put you in charge of that sweet new mixed-use development.
0135The schedule works, we have the staff, we're set up for success.
0134We want you to lead this project.
0133You wanted to see me?
0132What are you doing this weekend?
0131Playing Lego with my daughter is frustrating.
0130After all that work, I can't believe the project went south.
0129I need to specity a high-VOC paint.
0128Hey, that's the old land use bylaw you're consulting.
0127Those are the drawings you're submitting to the city?
0126You know that architecture firm down the street with the office above the coffee house?
0125In my proposal text, you've changed every instance of program into programme.
0124Due to the dire state of the economy, we're putting a moratorium on all overtime.
0123Have you seen this article? It says architecture is the fourth-happiest profession.
0122These elevations that Revit produces look so flat and lifeless.
0121This architects' Reality Check button is just the best.
0120You look panicked.
0119What lessons have you taken out of your experience in using Revit for Schematic Design?
0118Our presentation deadline is nigh.
0117I see you're using Revit for your project's Schematic Design.
0116You've been in it for a few weeks now, how are you adjusting to using Revit?
0115Did you know the Doug is 36?*
0114I feel as though this project is giving me an ulcer.
0113Am I ever stiff from using Revit 2010.2009
0112Do you think all city planners really want to be architects?
0111Last night I made a gingerbread house with my kids.
0110As a response to the deteriorating prospects for new large-scale work, we've decided to position the firm as a design boutique.
0109Can you believe our management?
0108What's got you stretch so thinly?
0107I have a problem with the title on my business cards.
0106I have this empty cardboard box from the printshop.
0105Playing with my daughter last night, I realized I can only remember the one architectural nursery rhyme.
0104Clarify this for me: Does a north elevation drawing mean I'm viewing the building looking toward the north, or I'm being shown the north side of the building?
0103You neve thanked me.
0102What's going on with your ear?
0101Did you review my presentation?
0100Are you happy to be finished that last job?
0099Why doesn't our firm have any swag?
0098Can I get you to help out with our presentation model?
0097That design looks a little too pedantic.
0096What have you done to these drawing sets?2008
0095I heard your wife just had a baby. Congratulations!
0094Don't look so relaxed.
0093Your consultant is here for your meeting.
0092I went to the City's Urban Design Awards ceremony last night.
0091Great halloween costume!
0090I hear you passed the LEED accreditation exam.
0089Some of us are going out at lunch to kick around the hackysack.
0088I'm having some friends over to play Planopoly tonight.
0087Why are the city's development permit requirements so onerous?
0086I've been working on this mixed-use development permit set for eight months now.
0085Where have you been all morning.
0084Do you have plans for the weekend?
0083Why are the planners at city hall called File Managers?
0082I thought we were supposed to think of them as clients, not customers, the distinction indicating our continued responsibility to the urban environment and the profession at large in the face of un-architectural customer demands.
0081Check it out, I've downloaded an architectural ticker for my cellphone.
0080We've installed an auditing system on the water cooler.
0079The weather is beautiful, I see nothing but blue sky out my window, I'm the first in the office, I have a hot cup of tea in front of me, a fresh set of drawings prepared, it's Friday and I'm wearing blue jeans at work.
0078What's the huge plan for?
0077These shafts look about right, your sections show sufficient allowance for pits and overruns, and I see you've drawn fire protected areas into which the elevators can decant, but you seem to have forgotten the space for the orchestra.
0076What did you do this weekend?
0075What do you feel are your strengths yadda yadda?
0074Welcome back. How was your vacation last week?
0073Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose factories dream and croak in the fog! Molock whose smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!
0072Do we have any bandages in the office?
0071I'm freaked out by airplanes.
0070Do you ever read the Economist?
0069I'm teaching myself banjo.
0068You know what would be nice around here?
0067Did you see that last architecture cartoon on the internet?
0066Have you seen that cartoon series on the internet?
0065Nice shades.
0064What do you think of this battle between civilizations?
0063Son, now that you've been an intern architect for a while, can you design me a house?
0062Giuseppe, things aren't going so well at work.
0061I'm thinking of buying a car.
0060Nobody loves me.
0059Watching the game tonight?
0058Why don't we ever see any architect characters in the movies?
0057…I approached this design from an oblique angle—not that I wanted to emphasize any notions the client may have about eclecticism—to test some preconceptions I had regarding…
0056I bought a new iPod last night.
0055What now?
0054What is that smell?
0053Do you ever hum to yourself while you draw?2007
0052I'm heading out, have a great week everyone!
0051Congratulations, this year your Christmas deficit is $2,000!
0050Your car is blocking my parking spot.
0049Can you lend me five bucks for lunch?
0048I've been thinking about getting a dog.
0047I'm having some of the office over tmorrow night for piña coladas.
0046I'm exhausted.
0045I'm broke.
0044You've heard of personal injury lawyers who show up at accident scenes to offer their services to the victims, right?
0043Where were you last week?
0042How are you doing this week?
0041Architects.
0040Do we have any of that spray-on LEED®in the office?
0039Are those new glasses you're wearing?
0038I have reached a conclusion.
0037Whatever happened to our merger with that massive international firm?
0036Did you have a good long weekend?
0035There sure are a lot of young female architects in this city.
0034Michael, I know it's your last day as student with us, but I was wondering if this afternoon you could help me with a few design ideas for this pavilion project on the Adriatic.
0033You've been staring at that elevation for some time.
0032Would someone please exit AutoCAD, so I can use a licence?
0031The pricing on your project has come in.
0030Are you still in a foul mood?
0029I've noticed that no one here wears a tie.
0028Why doesn't anyone at this firm keep any photos of their families at their desks?
0027I'll come back and ask later.
0026Congratulations! We've decided to give you a promotion.
0025The note on this plan confuses me.
0024How do you think Brad Pitt is doing with his apprenticeship at Gehry's practice?
0023
0022A little bird told me you've submitted your resignation.
0021Some of us are going for a beer after work.
0020I've got two extra tickets to our corporate box at the ballet.
0019I'm having the worst day.
0018Hear the news? Our firm has been sold.
0017What are you doing?
0016You know that feeling you get when you let your fingernails grow a little too long, then you handle something dusty or chalk, and then no matter how hard you scrub, your hands don't feel clean for the rest of the day?
0015How's working with our senior technologist, the Doug?
0014I don't understand these environmental requirements.
0013The office is very quiet today.*
0012It's about time I introduced you to our senior technologist.
0011What is it you've drawn there?
0010Hiya. What does CPAG stand for?
0009Did you hear? Sir Norman Foster has been selected as design architect for that new office tower downtown.
0008Where are we on those working drawings you started yesterday?
0007So Emma, today's your last day with us?
0006Why do you keep that bottle of rubbing alcohol beside your keyboard.
0005Someone brought in cookies!
0004You spent all weekend working on this public design charette?
0003You seem down.
0002Let me get this straight.
0001How has your first week been at the office?2006
0000 Son, now that you've graduated from architecture school, can you design me a house?
0001-You've been staring at your drawing board for the entire time I've been standing here.
0002-…and that's my multi-family residential project.
0003-Oh, my…
0004-Why don't we study much Frank Lloyd Wright at this school?
0005-Are you spending much time working on building systems?
0006-Do architects have a sense of humour?
0007-I just dropped three large on tuition for the semester.2005
0008-Why do so many architecture students build claustrophobic rabbit-warren enclosures around their studio spaces?
0009-Wow, thank goodness the semester is finally over.
0010-Do you find your mind wandering during lengthy crit sessions?
0011-Why do you think architects wear so much black?
0012-What do you think of the new foyer?
0013-I did my plans like this, and my section like this.
0014-Man, sometimes these crits go un-freakin'-believably long.2004
0000il Pelicano, Julian Carnrite and Ohok Jones© 2005
0162il Pelicano and Magenta Doneish© 2009
0200il Pelicano and Arty Dub Hen© 2009
0322il Pelicano and bd© 2010
©I reserve the exclusive right to publish these cartoons.Ask me at ilpelicano(at-symbol)pintday.org.