O O Ø O O O O
Rage Against The Machines
The first in what we can only imagine will be a long line of anti-minivan rants.
I repeatedly hear the same arguments used to justify buying a Sport Utility Vehicle. I would like to discuss a couple of them, and address one specifically.
First, and the most common reason to buy an SUV in Calgary, Alberta, is perceived prestige.
I remember the first time I had ever heard of the concept of an SUV as a token of prestige. As we often do on Tuesdays, a group of friends and I were discussing the pros and cons of various different vehicle makes. Naturally, these conversations made their way up to the generally unattainable ranks of luxury vehicles. BMWs, Acuras and so forth. But I distinctly remember hearing the phrase “For that price, you could buy a Ford Explorer.” I was dumbfounded. Why would you buy a Ford Explorer, when we’re talking about hot, fast imports? Explorers seemed like tall stations wagons to me.
That was 1994, and can see now that many people fact choose to spend on a Ford Explorer more than the purchase price of a Saab or an Audi. I suppose these monsters are considered prestigious simply because they’re so expensive. I didn’t get it then, and I won’t try to analyze it now.
The second, and slightly more insidious justification for purchasing an SUV is the twin-barrelled doozie of ride height and safety.
Since there are so many SUVs on the road, the argument in favour of their increased ride height is sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. Their lumbering stance means it takes longer for traffic to clear turning lights, because it’s impossible to see around or over the vehicle, to see whether the light is still green. The extra several inches of ride height means an SUV driver’s field of vision is at least equal to those around them. Somewhere around the tree tops. That driver’s visibility problem has been solved but it’s been passed on to the poor soul behind them. That’s a little like throwing trash over the neighbour’s fence.
Safety.
Forgetting that SUVs are trucks, and only have to comply with meagre truck safety regulations, the argument then goes like this: “If I’m in an accident, I want to have size and momentum on my side.”
There are two sides to this justification. We all know that smaller cars perform poorly when crash tested against their more massive siblings. So if I make a mistake, and I hit you with my smaller car, you stand a much better chance of walking away unharmed. This seems fair, since it was my fault that we got in the wreck anyway. I get to deal with whatever injuries I might have sustained in my hatchback.
But if we happen to collide and you’re at fault, I’m still the one most likely to wind up with the injury, from your accident.
Your SUV may be loaded to the teeth with passive safety instruments, such as seat belts and air bags, but all of the more critical active safety features have their hands full just dealing with its massive bulk.
By stating safety as a primary reason to drive an SUV, you’re telling me that you don’t care whether you’re right or wrong, you’re going to win. Your mistake, my loss.
Tooling around in your damn Excursion amounts to an act of aggression against smaller, less violent drivers. I’m sickened when I have to sit in traffic with deadly behemoths on either side of my practical, responsible, and peaceful compact.
Here’s to a US$50 barrel of oil. Fuck you and your over dressed mini-van.
Evan Spence
Tuesday, July
3,
2001
PD DII