O O Ø O O O O
Bitter Resolve
Resolving to make the world a better place.
The dawn of a New Year can be celebrated in a variety of ways.
For some, New Year's is a time of renewal. It's the passing of the old and the welcoming of the new. For others, it is a chance to reflect on past doings, and make positive changes for the future. For me, it's typically about wearing a silly hat, getting plastered on cheap champagne and decorating someone's car, sidewalk, or bathroom with vomit.
But in addition to these quaint little rituals, New Year's has another long-standing tradition associated with it: The New Year's Resolution.
... even if those traditions involve making up a long list of unattainable goals and swearing absolutely that this time will be different.
Being a guy who has just spent the last 528-or-so Tuesdays quaffing a pint, I'm fairly well inclined to follow traditions; even if those traditions involve making up a long list of unattainable goals and swearing absolutely that this time will be different.
Of course, also being a founding father of the Pint Day School of Sarcasm and Irony, means that I uphold this tradition with perhaps a wee bit more cynicism than the average bear. At least, that's what I would have you believe.
So without further ado, here are my resolutions for the year 2002:
I resolve...
- Not to start another company for at least 12 months, no matter how badly the Pint Day 50 needs padding.
- To move my Savings from Chartered Banks to Chartered Mattresses. The interest rate is almost as good, and the fees are considerably lower.
- To stop trusting high-tech companies who owe me money. Apparently, a handshake is only worth the paper it printed on.
- To actually finish my three-year bathroom renovation project. Good things take time, but I really need to take a shower.
- To occasionally rant about something that isn't copyright related. (This one's for Jason)
- To hawk all the useless crap in my house on eBay. Buyer pays shipping, and you don't have to sit in your garage all weekend.
- Three Little Words: Alberta Space Program.
- To actually finish a home renovation project with less than five trips to the Hardware Store.
- To maintain a regular regime of exercise and good eating until at least mid-January.
- To teach the citizens of the world, once and for all, how to use a merge lane.
- And finally, so I have at least one attainable goal for the year, I resolve to mock, incite, harass, generally and dish out a prosaic helping of whoop-ass every second Tuesday to all those in the world who deserve it. Take cover Arizona. Pint Day is coming to play.
Oh, and a happy new year to you all, too.
Kjell Wooding
Tuesday, January 1,
2002
PD DXXVIII