O O Ø O O O O
Bermuda Shorts Day
This Hit ’n’ Run brought to you by: beer.
Bermuda Shorts Day, or “have a beer in the shower day” is the last day of classes at the University of Calgary. Though we at the pd.o typically insist on waiting until the weekly rant is finished to quaff the Tuesday Brew, the juxtaposition of BSD and Pint Day was just too great a coincidence to ignore. This week's rant will be done with beer in hand. Several actually, as we unveil this week's theme ingredient (beer), and BSD-inspired spin on the old Hit and Run.
The game is played with a keyboard, and a fridge full of beer. The typing will begin when the first beer opens. The rant will continue until the drink is empty. A new beer means a segue and a new topic. This process will repeat until the beer runs out, or the participant can no longer find the Enter key.
The U of C unveiled a new security system at the campus pub recently. It's a wonderfully intrusive system that involves storing an image of your government-issued ID. The system was pioneered by an anonymous group of individuals who call themselves the SecureClub Corporation. I say anonymous, as their only listed contact address is a P.O. box a few blocks from my house.
SecureClub is a perfect example of a new generation of companies offering so-called secure services. Don't worry, they say, your information is safe with us. Forgive me for being blunt here, folks, but I have a little trouble trusting my personal information with people who haven't even demonstrated a mastery of the English Language. As for privacy, according to the company web site, benefits of the SecureClub service include:
Local Security Service.
Venue and Clientele Interaction.
Communal Security Quality.
Visual Deviance Deterrent.
Identification Verification Qualities.
Ban Capabilities.
VIP Service (No Extra Cards).
Factual Statistics on your venue.
Promotional possibilities.
Marketing capabilities.
Personal Databases.
May Aid in any Incident Investigations.
Lookee there: promotional possibilities and marketing capabilities. There goes the privacy claim, boys. The whole thing makes me feel ill.
(chug. crush. toss.)
I have a little trouble trusting my personal information with people who haven't even demonstrated a mastery of the English Language
And speaking of ill, I was sounding off the other day on one of my favorite topics—the decline of the English language—when the the word nauseous came up. Now, this word is one of my pet peeves. First of all, nauseous is an adjective meaning sickening. It is not a word to describe how you feel when presented with something nauseous. In other words, when someone says:
“I feel nauseous.”
What they really meant to say was:
“I feel nauseated.”
Until recently, the dictionaries of the world backed me up, often flagging the incorrect usage with a phrase like usage problem.
So, imagine my surprise when I came across this little editorial in the online edition of the Merriam-Webster:
Those who insist that nauseous can properly be used only in sense 1 and that in sense 2 it is an error for nauseated are mistaken. Current evidence shows these facts: nauseous is most frequently used to mean physically affected with nausea, usually after a linking verb such as feel or become; figurative use is quite a bit less frequent. Use of nauseous in sense 1 is much more often figurative than literal, and this use appears to be losing ground to nauseating. Nauseated is used more widely than nauseous in sense 2.
And here I thought editorializing was for newspapers.
(Chug. Hic.)
And speaking of newspapers, why the hell can't they adapt to the modern age? Has it occurred to any of them that the young generation doesn't read fish wrap? Newspapers offer a valuable service: a trusted source for news. Certainly there is editorial bias involved, but that is also fact checking, something that is sorely missing in the more electronic (read: convenient) news sources.
Time and time again I hear that a subscription model for electronically delivered news isn't viable. What I want to know is, how the hell do they know? At least in this neck of the woods, they've never tried.
Look folks, I berate your little phone-slaves every time they call me up (during dinner) and try to flog your dead-tree edition. For the past two years, my answer has consistently been the same:
“If it ain't online, I don't read it.”
Not one of you has gotten the hint. Here's a thought. If you want to sell online subscriptions, how about a full-text archive search that doesn't suck? I might actually want to pay for that.
(Schlurk. Thunk.)
Not that I REALLY liek to pay for anything much now. It's sorta funny being a studnt again. the days are loneger for sure, but ehte stress level isn't there like ti used to be. See working just SUCKED for my health level. y2K and starbcks killed my stomach. back to school nd suddently I can drink coffee again. Whoohoo! 'course work didn't have all those all-nightsrs that seem to befilling up my weeks lately.
Of course, itr was harder when I was workng to sneak out ot the pub at three int he afternoon, but at least then I didnt have any invasive security measurs to deal with once I got there. I mean, clever boys, scanning my university ID as if I would be able to use that at another bar in the system. You wanna see funny? they don't bother looking at the pcitures anymore, just scanbeep and youre in. Hello? fakea barcode anyone? but no one woudl thinkof that now wood they?
(glug. hic.)
and anothr thing. ive been driving in calgaru for 15 odd yeasr and in that time now a SINGLE FREAKING ONE OF YOU hhas manged to learnd how to merge. HELLO? theypout tjose stupiud signs pup all orve town the lEAST you could do ius read the friggin things. Course yorur probably the dsame stupid bstrd making the albrta road block on the Deerfoot whenrever i need to get anytheree in a huryy. mOVE OVER DUMWAD. they cayuse more accidents getting AROUND your lsow ass thanyou save by being undrthe damn limit. MOVEfuk. get out of my awy anf I dwon t bother you.
adn dude witht eh one headligt. FIXITdamnm. dontdrivehon the hiway with yur bright son becuse your too lazy tofix the samthing. your making poepl drive into the barricasde dumbulm.
(schrlk. chug.)
nd gdamWHYdoimc ekp lening thse fucksow me minkey.
frigginsjawsfukOAYmr.
gr ngdtha forddrivn dmf. clmeacrmnl, ur pzy snmt. whERESTHEMFKMUOWME.
fgdm stnt nw, iwhatwnt. fk. pfeet.
Yz in ramtm,
– kjrll woddng
Tuesday, April 16,
2002
PD
DXLIII