O O Ø O O O O
A Modest (Radio) Proposal
Recent changes in the Calgary radio landscape have set me to thinking about the state of radio in our fine nation. I have, after a great deal of ponderance and pontification come to certain conclusions about the business. I therefore humbly present my modest proposal for the improvement and simplification of the radio industry in this vast country of ours.
It is often disturbing, to visitors and newcomers to a particular city, to be at first presented with a confusing and unfamiliar set of stations on their radio dial. It often takes weeks, or months for these people to become familiar with the local broadcast landscape, and even longer to settle into a familiar pattern of listenership, only to realize that the music to which they were accustomed prior to their arrival was no longer available to them.
The ideas herein have been fully incubated and taken to their logical conclusions.
It is my intention to greatly reduce, or even eliminate this confusion through a series of logical reforms, many of which have their roots in the regulatory radio framework of today; though the ideas herein have been fully incubated and taken to their logical conclusions.
First, it should be noted that the Record Labels and Media Companies represent significant contributors to this country's Gross Domestic Product, and employ many of our nation's finest. It is of great importance, then, that we do what is in our power to preserve this establishment. After all, these companies invest a great deal of money into the creation and promotion of new musical product. Economies of scale dictate that the production of product in this fashion will be significantly more efficient than the more traditional basement or garage-based production.
Therefore, let no one talk to me of diversity or local flavour, as these have no place in the radio spectrum in this country. The industry of music is fixture in our great nation, and encouraging radio play outside the confines of pay-to-play and big label promotion will only damage our country's musical support structure. It is for this reason that I propose the continued centralization of playlists throughout this great country. By eschewing the wasteful independent production and promotion of musical product, all our energies may be focused on listening to the vastly more efficient efforts of the media conglomerates.
Let no one talk to me of diversity or local flavour, as these have no place in the radio spectrum in this country.
Second, it is a well-known fact that the publicly allocated airwaves are a limited resource. It is simply unconscionable to allow an entity to consume this valuable resource without careful coordination with others. Great care must be taken to ensure no unnecessary overlap between our radio broadcasters. With only a limited spectrum available to present the universe of musical product, it is essential that broadcasters work to eliminate duplication between playlists on these separate stations. Though centralization of playlists will certainly assist in this effort, the only sure way to eliminate wasteful overlap is to ensure only one station of a particular genre be permitted in a particular region. To be fair across geographic regions, the list of permissible genres will be standardized centrally.
Thus, the cessation of wasteful competition and overlapping playlists will immediately free up a significant portion of the radio spectrum for new genres and playlists, broadening the cross-section of music available for listening purposes, and making most efficient use of a limited resource.
Third, having simplified and standardized the permissible broadcast genres for the various regions of our country, and having eliminated unnecessary duplication within the regions, we turn now to address the issue of uniformity of identification and marketing across this vast nation of ours.
developing an identity around such arbitrary call signs as CHRK is both unnecessary, and wasteful
It is obvious to any student of economy that developing an identity around such arbitrary call signs as CHRK is both unnecessary, and wasteful, when pre-fabricated marketing plans are both available, and in widespread use around not just in this country, but also elsewhere on the continent. Indeed, the wily executives of the media conglomerates are well aware of these savings. Thus with the acquisition of virtually all independently owned broadcasters in the country, so has come the standardization of station identification and marketing efforts to a small subset of four-or-five letter mnemonics such as Power, Kiss, and Lite. However, much confusion arises—especially to travellers and visitors from other regions—when similar mnemonics (Power 92) are used to represent conflicting genres (Power 97).
To alleviate this confusion, I therefore propose a standardized, genre-based identification and marketing scheme for radio stations in this country. To this end, I have composed a list of several of the more popular genres, and the identification/marketing plans that appear to best fit within these genres:
| Preferred | Alternate | Genre |
| ROCK | Power | Hard Rock |
| HAIR | Glam | Classic Rock |
| LITE | Gold | Light Rock, Old People Music |
| HITZ | Kiss | Pop, Top 40, Teeny-Bopper Music |
| HUMP | Jamz | Hip Hop and R&B |
| BLAB | Talk | Talk Radio |
| RISE | Shine | Inspirational, Religious, Spiritual, Crap. |
| YAWN | CBC | Classical, Opera, Irritating Left-Wing Opinions |
Hence with the standardization of radio identification schemes to the genres they represent, confusion amongst travellers and visitors to foreign cities may be greatly reduced, as a station's format can now be easily determined from its identifying mnemonic
In closing, I wish to assure you that in the sincerity of my heart, I have no other motive for the presentation of this proposal than the public good of the radio listenership of our nation. Eliminating redundancy in playlists, simplifying marketing for the various target demographics, and delivering uniformity of the listening experience across this country of ours will bring me no gain of my own, save musical. I belong to no band, and own no shares in the media conglomerates or record labels. I want only to make the radio landscape a better place for us all. By following through with my most modest (radio) proposal, I think we can achieve a better listening experience for both ourselves, and our children.
Kjell Wooding
Tuesday, July 30,
2002
PD DLVIII