There’s No We In Team

The language of unproductive meetings.

Evan Spence | 2002-10-22

I’m having another go at the podium this week, since Kjell, on turning 30, has found his fingers too stiff to type. Hopefully he will have enough assistive technology in place next week so—failing eyesight permitting—we can return to our regularly scheduled rant rotation.

The four most insidious words that can be muttered when a group of people get together to work are “I think we should.” Any sentence uttered in a multiple-person situation that starts with these is meant to be disruptive and non-productive. It’s a mean statement designed to prevent concrete action, padded in weasel language.

Let me clarify:

It begins with “I think,” which is a tentative qualifier. It’s “Excuse me, but my opinion is,” or “Well, listen to what I have to say.” It’s needless, since we known that anything said by anyone is de facto their opinion. It also tries to erroneously add first person credibility to the rest of the statement.

In this context though, it’s a little more dangerous, because it implies that because it’s a personally held belief that’s about to be announced, it can’t be questioned empirically. Or at least that’s what the speaker would have us believe. “I think” is a promising way to waste a group’s time.

“We should.” Now note the use of the first person plural. They’re speaking for the whole group. Although they’re qualifying their opinion with “I think,” they’re willing to apply that idea to the group for collective action. They implicitly require acknowledgement from more people than just themselves. They do not have sufficient courage of their convictions to commit to them alone.

Not only do they want tacit approval from more people—there’s safety in numbers—they want these people to agree to the same flimsy language, by using the word “should.” This is only a proposed course of action: general principles that are not exactly right or wrong. “I won’t commit, neither should you.”

Take Your Damn Waffles...

“I think we should...” Never say these words to me. Don’t imply that I should conspire with you to waffle around the problem. People who use these words stand in the way of action, and they prevent progress. They are the source of committees, and the basis of bureaucracy. They are the enemy of the builder, and the fount of team dissention and dissatisfaction.

Do you want to talk to me? Try these words: “I did, I am, and I will.”

Now, who wants to be a member of my team?

Evan Spence

Tuesday, October 15, 2002
PD DLXX

Appendix:

The Pint Day Teamwork Primer

Wrong:
“I think we should...”
Right:
“To hell with this, I’m doing it myself.”
Wrong:
“Well, it’s just an opinion, so it can’t be wrong.”
Right:
“In my entire life, I’ve never met anyone more wrong than you.
Wrong:
“I think we should all agree.”
Right:
“Shut up, you mealy-mouthed cur.”
Wrong:
“Maybe we should have a break.
Right:
“I can taste your heart.”

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