O O Ø O O O O
News Flash
Lamenting the rebirth of news
I turned on the television today, and nearly fell off my chair. For the first time in nearly a month, there’s news. Actual honest-to-God news stories, reporting events taking place in (or near) my own time zone. With so many new sources for ranting inspiration, I was nearly overwhelmed. How to pick just one, I wonder?
Answer: I can't. It's Hit and Run time. Onto the headlines:
US, China, Koreas agree on nuclear talks
Isn’t there something just a little disconcerting about North Korea jumping up and down yelling “We’re making nukes”? while the world’s biggest army bombs the hell our of Iraq for rumoured possession of weapons of mass destruction?
From the Daily Yomiuri.
The United States, China, South Korea and North Korea have reached a broad agreement to hold multilateral talks on Pyongyang's suspected nuclear weapons program at the end of April.
Suspected? I'm sorry, what part of “We are withdrawing from the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty” was unclear? They are building nuclear weapons. Keanu Reeves may as well conduct these talks. “So, you're building nukes, eh?” “Yep.” “Whoah.”
Closer analysis of the article reveals that the talks aren't actually about the nukes at all. Instead, they appear to be focused on the issue of who to include in the talks.
The four countries will decide whether to let Japan and Russia take part in the talks, which are likely to be held in Beijing or New York, a source said."
Personally, I don't see why they should be involved at all. It's not like they're likely targets, or anything.
[The executive director of the Korean Peninsula Energy Development Organisation] said the negotiations, once started, could take a long time, but that the longer they went on the better it would be because it would show that all sides were taking the talks seriously...
Of course longer is better—For the North Korean nuclear weapons program. Keep talking, idiots.
Philip Morris USA to Change Wording for 'Light' Cigarettes
And in a surprising announcement from the scientific community, light cigarettes don't actually cause smaller cancers.
Philip Morris said it made the decision [to remove the words 'lowered tar and nicotine'] in response to a 2001 report by the National Cancer Institute that found no benefit from smoking low-tar cigarettes instead of regular ones.
How proactive of them. Has anyone pointed out that it's 2003 yet? And I'm sure the $10.1 billion dollar class action suit didn't figure into the thinking at all.
Philip Morris USA will remove the words "lowered tar and nicotine" from packages of Marlboro Lights and will delete references to low tar on other cigarettes, McCormick said. The company hopes to complete the change by the end of the year.
Hopes to? Apparently, it's a real bitch to change your packaging. In 8 months, you could get the job done with white-out and a ballpoint. Thanks for your concern, Philip Morris. I just can't understand why anyone would want to sue you.
Give cancer patients priority, hospitals urged
And since we're talking cancer:
Hospitals in the Toronto area are being urged to give cancer patients top priority after weeks of surgery cancellations due to SARS, Ontario Health Minister Tony Clement said today.
I wonder if the honourable Minister is aware that cancer patients weren't the only patients inconvenienced by this little outbreak? I have a better idea. How about we give our most critical patients priority, regardless of what their condition is, and proceed from there? With representatives like this, I wonder why we want to inflict democracy on anyone.
Kazakh challenges Bush to sabre duel
And speaking of critical injuries:
Americans, Nurmambetov said, could not fight with a saber, like real men, but only drop bombs from the sky. Nurmambetov is the proud owner of a saber he considers battle worthy, the paper reported.
Ever see that scene in "Raiders of the lost Ark," Colonel? Bang.
Tha Row Hit With Wrongful-Death Suit
And finally, a story that pretty much discounts the concept of Western Civilization.
The mother of a Los Angeles woman allegedly killed and partially eaten by aspiring Texas rapper Antron Singleton (aka Big Lurch) has filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against Tha Row Records and others
The civil suit ... alleges that Singleton was actively courted and supplied with drugs, including PCP, by Tha Row — despite his “extensive criminal record for violence” and song lyrics that refer to rape, murder, and cannibalism.
Yeah. That says killed and partially eaten. Can we have the war back now? Real news scares me.
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
PD DXCV