O O Ø O O O O
Extreme
Making the world a prettier place.
K. Rupert Murdoch
c/o News Corp.
2 Holt Street
Sydney, N.S.W Australia 2010
Mr. Murdoch;
I’ve just finished watching your reality TV show, Extreme Makeover for the first time, and let me tell you, it was breathtaking. Finally. Ugly people around North America have a chance to get the surgery they so desperately need, so that they may go on to lead normal, healthy lives like the rest of us.
Seriously, until now, ugly people were doomed to lives as librarians, or radio disc jockeys. For a while there they had a good run in Rock and Roll, (Steven Tyler? I mean, ech.) but fortunately for all of us, those days are long gone. Case in point: Xtina Aguilera vs. Jann Arden. Sure, both of them can sing, but who’s going to sell more records? I can see we’re on the same page here.
One of my favourite bits of the show is what’s left over once you’re done with the contestants. You’ve got plastic surgery and personal trainers for the looks, and personality coaches and style gurus for the demeanour and packaging, but the deep seeded emotional scarring? That’s left for the home game. Nice touch!
As much as I enjoyed your show, however, I still think there’s room for improvement. After all, you’re not the only plastic surgery show in town now, and judging by your ratings, there are only going to be more. You need to further distinguish yourself from the Johnny-cut-latelys. Besides, your show is about helping people—poor, disadvantaged, ugly people—and to that end, I think you need to go further.
I think you need: Extreme Makeover—Jr. High School Edition.
If you really want to help these ugly ducklings, you need to catch them when they are young. By the time High School rolls around, social circles have been established, and it’s really too late. Only by dealing with them when they are ugly, disadvantaged pre-teens do you have a chance to avoid the ugly emotional scarring that comes with the social leprosy of ugliness. It’s good for you (ratings), and it’s good for them (reduced psychotherapy bills later in life). Everybody wins.
So that’s my idea. Feel free to work with it a bit to truly make it your own. I never know where those crazy programming guys at Fox TV are going to go next (Extreme Makeover—Pet Edition!), but it never ceases to have an impact on me.
Thanks again for helping to make the world a pretty, healthy, and normal place.
Your Admiring Fan,
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
PD DCLIII
P.S. Can we expect to see an Extreme Makeover Blooper Reel anytime soon? I’d pay good money for that! Can you imagine, the facial bandages come off, and the person is still ugly! Or complications during liposuction! That would be a hoot!