O O Ø O O O O
The Drip
Like chinese water torture, but hotter.
Orin Smith
President and Chief Executive Officer
Starbucks Corp.
P.O. Box 34067, Seattle, WA, 98124-1067
United States of America
Hello Mr. Smith.
You don’t know me. I’m just one of the many faceless patrons of your little caffeinated empire. I have been patronizing your establishment for around 8 years now; back when you opened a location near the University in Victoria, B.C. That seems a long time ago now. Back then, you worked hard to convert customers: you used to give out a coupon for a free beverage if ever I wanted a coffee and the pot wasn’t finished brewing, and you would never, ever, ever under penalty of head office death, serve someone a coffee out of a pot that was only half-finished brewing. Those days are long, long gone. Your brand is enough to keep ‘em comin’ in, and those little niceties have gone the way of coffee cups without “hot beverage” disclaimers.
So, for 8 years I have been buying your grande darks, and for 8 years I have held my virtual tongue on a particular issue. Partially, because I understand you guys aren’t quick to adapt. How long did you guys hand us doubled-up cups before you came up with that cardboard sleeve idea? Yes, air gap is the key to not burning your customers’ fingers. You finally got that one sorted out, so I figured you’d eventually fix up the other little nit, too.
Well, 8 years have elapsed, and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I figured wrong. It’s time for me to take action—to come out and confront you folks directly.
Can you please, for the love of Jebus and all your customers, fix the stupid drippy paper cups?
I realize that rolled paper cups with tall, plastic lids have become a part of your image, but the particular rolled paper technology that you employ have a very noticeable seam on the inside. Apparently, your very, very hot coffee is enough to melt the wax coating on this seam, and, as science would predict, gets drawn up the exposed seam via capillary action to the lip of the cup. Since the seam continues over the lip, so does the coffee, and then proceeds to drip either onto your hand (if you have carefully placed the seam away from the drinking hole), or onto your chest (if the seam and drinking hole are in the same general vicinity).
Now admittedly, I’m not the swiftest antelope in the herd, but over time I have managed to adapt. Over the years, I have been conditioned to grab a 1/4 inch stack of napkins whenever I get a coffee, for which to wrap around the cup in the neighbourhood of the seam. Inevitably, by the time I get to where I am going (or the coffee has assumed a drinkable temperature), the napkins are saturated, and I have lost a quarter inch or so of my favourite caffeinated beverage.
Mr. Smith, your coffee is good, but not good enough to wear. Can you please do something about the damn drippy cups?
Yours in (drippy) patronage,
Kjell Wooding
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
PD DCLXXV