Two Beer With Thomas
Government doesn't work in strange ways.
The other week Thomas Jefferson joined me for a beer at the Ship & Anchor. I took the opportunity to tug on his sleeve about a new hairbrained idea that I’d been considering.
“Mr. Jefferson, you struggled most of your life to limit the scope of government in your country, through both a well-conceived constitution, and a Bill of Rights, which specifically details those few functions that the federal government is permitted to perform.”
“Yes. A bill of rights is what the people are entitled to against every government on earth—general or particular—and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inferences.”
“Um, yes. Thomas, it must pain you to see such a wonderfully conceived framework such as the American constitution fail the test of time, and produce the far-reaching and dangerous apparatus that is now the enemy of freedom—true freedom—across the globe.”
“Back in the day, in no portion of the earth were life, liberty and property ever so securely held.”
“And there’s the tragedy, Tom. Your republic was so great, that it attracted the worst sort of power-hungry tyrants, who have spent the better part of two centuries trying to circumvent your generally well-conceived restrictions on government. Today, there is absolutely no area where the federal government doesn’t think it has some vested national interest. Steroids in baseball, euthenasia in Florida, spam on the internet. Yet every president stands at his inauguration and swears to uphold the constitution of the United States of America, to help maintain the illusion that the republic still exists. Americans still believe in the ideals of freedom and liberty, even though they have been thoroughly transgressed in the modern era, and in reality they are considerably less free than many other countries, including most of the über-governed basketcases of Europe.
“By contrast, Canada was founded on the ideals of Peace, Order and Good Government, which would seem like a perfect recipe for totalitarianism. Yet even though we suffer through some seriously egregious invasions of liberty, the result has been a generally freer modern population. There are no rules by which the government is constrained, so the people wind up keeping a closer eye on their politicians, since there is otherwise no limit to the damage they could inflict. It’s like those intersections developed by the Dutch traffic engineer Hans Mondermann, where there are no signs, signals, sidewalks, or markings: drivers have to slow down and use their brains, rather than obeying rules that promise to keep them safe, even though such a guarantee is impossible. Our government is just as ambiguous. There are no limits to its reach, and as such, we drive it very carefully.”
“You’re saying that because there were restrictions on the American republic, it grew enormously, and because Canada’s government isn’t constitutionally limited, it didn’t grow?”
“Not precisely. Both governments are unbelievably enormous. But I compare the American constitution to a speed limit on a dangerous highway. If you put all your faith in obeying the limit, even if the road is in poor condition, there’s a higher likelihood you’ll come off the road. This metaphor has the added advantage of describing the current American condition as a total car wreck. Canada, by comparison, with its unmarked, undivided road, is still lumbering along in its underpowered bus.
“Perverse.” Jefferson squinted into his beer, perhaps struggling to understand a metaphor that post-dates his death.
“Agreed, T. But borne out by the current situation. Americans are prisoners in their own country. Canadians are presently consumed with raking their quivering government through the coals.”
“But your country is not great.”
“Only at hockey. Otherwise it’s quite lame—but much freer.”
“Years ago I said if ever that vast country of America were to be brought under a single government, it would be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. I hate to say I told them so, but it astonishes me to find that so many of my countrymen should be contented to live under a system which leaves to their governors the power of taking from them the trial by jury in civil cases, freedom of religion, freedom of the press, freedom of commerce, the habeas corpus laws, and of yoking them with a standing army. This is a degeneracy in the principles of liberty which I would not have expected for at least four centuries.”
“Let me put it this way: if we consider the constitutional limitation of government to be just one more government programme, and if we accept the axiom that government doesn’t work, then it must follow that a government programme designed to limit government must fail. Forget the constitution, we’re all on our own.”
“I think I’m going to need another beer to think about this.”
Indeed. He had been helplessly pawing at the table. I felt sorry for him. A life’s work demolished by ignorant tyrants, and nothing to show for it but a plantation house on the American nickel.
“Make it another round, dude.”
Then we talked hockey for an hour, and I introduced him to the Ship veggie burger, garnished with bacon. By the time he left, he had calmed down much like we all do after a couple of IPAs. Also, I promised to send him a box of Cuban cigars, and that cheered him considerably.
ev · PDDCCV
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