O O Ø O O O O
Home
Let me tell you about it.
It’s on a cul-de-sac so vehicle entry and egress are totally dependent on traffic conditions for Elbow Drive, the entire house was professionally renovated during the high-age of brass fixtures, both of the heat registers in the kitchen aren’t actually hooked up to any ducts, the front window in the side room leaks a mysterious foamy substance, the new taupe-themed paint job was well-executed but done with a paint product with the durability of liquid drywall, the 400 square feet of sculpted carpet in the side room is dusty rose, the washing machine competes with the refrigerator for the title of Loudest Appliance Ever, the furnace is an original 1961 model museum piece, one front burner on the stove has no setting between OFF and SEAR, the floor under the fridge looked like it hadn’t been cleaned for the duration of the previous owner whose children grew up here, the built-in vacuum system is more an annoyance than a convenience, the Corian-brand countertops are easily stained by curry, the enormous track lights in the kitchen hum and flicker to their own absent-minded tune, the jacuzzi bathtub spewed swimmer’s itch continuously, the bathroom floor squeaks, the garage is actually a bi-level, the upstairs phone lines had been mysteriously cut,† ruffled window treatments adorn every room, the otherwise extremely well-installed baseboards cover half of every heat register, the six or so spruce trees along the side yard had filled up the eaves with needles and cones which resulted in a flood-damaged basement, there’s a bonus layer of peel-and-stick tiles under the underlayment in the basement, the TV and turtle pump are now on a switched plug wired to the front hallway, the massively overgrown spruce in the front is actually on city property and subject to the bureaucratic foibles of beadledom, there’s no built-in shelving and we don’t have any of our own so boxes from the move remain stacked and unpacked in the front room, and there’s a brand new scratch of undeniable depth and girth in one of the bedroom floors where I just moved a desk.
But it’s our home now and we love it and we’re never moving again, so please don’t speak ill of it.
†Thanks to Charlene, ex of TELUS née AGT, for reconnecting our phones. Thanks also to Dave and Jeff for moving heavy things in and out that we couldn’t, and to the rest of my relatives for not taking anything during their B&E.
Evan Spence
July 5, 2005
OOØOOOODCCXII
July 6th, 2005 at 9:40 am
Congrats
Just give it time - everything can be replaced, fixed or whatever you want to do with it as long as there is money and will to do so
July 6th, 2005 at 7:39 pm
Ah, money.
July 12th, 2005 at 3:15 am
Worse. Time.
July 12th, 2005 at 12:36 pm
No, no. Money.
July 14th, 2005 at 10:43 pm
Ah, home. There is always something that needs to be fixed and nothing is ever a simple job. Or some idiot drives into your fence while you’re on holidays (but I digress). Home sweet home! The place where you will raise your children. Your struggles have only just begun :) Congrats!!
July 26th, 2005 at 1:25 pm
Hey Ev, shouldn’t you be holding a pitchfork in that photo? And if you have to have carpet, it may as well be dusty rose, the greatest carpet colour of all time.