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Reality Roundup
Since the demise in 2001 of scripted television, viewers have been showered with a near-endless selection of quality, original, reality-TV programming. (And poker. Lots of poker.) Knowing there are limited viewing hours in anyone’s busy schedule (like, 20 or so), we at the pd.o Consumer Services division have sifted through them, and taken the time to winnow out those few shining, golden moments—like a coyote pausing to piss at dusk—so we could present them for your consideration.
Here are three of the best from last season.
An Indie Hit
While it may not be the greatest reality-TV ratings hit of 2005, the most memorable single moment undeniably goes to the premier episode of Rock Star: Jesus and Mary Chain, where judges Jim and William Reid took offense to a perceived lack of reverence from contestant Daphna. The brother frontmen of J+MC lead the attack, forcing Daphna to the ground while original bassist Bobby Gillespie fed her the business end of her guitar. What sparked the altercation may have been Jim and William’s perception of Daphna’s dramatic removal of all but two strings on her guitar, as a send up of their acclaimed but raw, pounding melodies from the mid-80s British punk rock/industrial scene.
The delay between the onset of the assault and its eventual breakup by studio security made viewers contemplate that fine line between corporeal endangerment and good television. The Williams brothers’ outburst set the tone for the remainder of the series, underscored by the knowledge that there are no studio or touring plans in the band’s future (the Reid brothers are rumoured not to be on speaking terms), and their apparent distaste for the idea of adding anyone to the lineup of the defunct band.
Venerable Franchise Breaks New Ground
While critics immediately decried Survivor: Cape Breton’s lack of potential for swimsuit scenery, they were immediately placated by the show’s astonishing quantity of Good Ol’ Down East debauchery
During the first few episodes, producer Mark Burnett tried helplessly to stop locals from smuggling supplies of Alexander Keith’s to contestants. Burnett’s eventual acceptance of this unprecedented disruption may be attributed to his own kilt-wearing conversion—the locals appeared to have gotten to him too.
The black-flies-and-bikinis episode will likely remain as one of the funniest and most ill-advised moments in reality-TV history. Naturally, those that liked it, liked it a lot.
Good, Honest, Mad-Scientist Humour
“You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix.”
The tagline to this season’s short-run cult hit So You Think You Can Operate says it all. High stakes, inadvisable surgery, with a time limit and a snarky judge watching on: the real recipe for an extreme makeover.
Unfortunately, the series’ ultimate run-in with numerous states’ snuff film legislation relegated the last three episodes to DVD and internet-only broadcasts. At the time of writing, these eternal gems—Homestyle Hysterectomy, Conjoint Twin Reunion, and Autovasectomy—are all listed as Top 10 bit torrents on all of the major aggregators.
Looking Forward
As a collection, these three shows have successfully whetted the public’s appetite for what seemingly only reality-TV can provide: fresh concepts delivered by creative producers. The bar has been set, and now we look for the new season to match or excel these lofty expectations.
Evan Spence
August 16, 2005
OOØOOOODCCXVII
August 18th, 2005 at 12:53 pm
I can’t wait for the release of American Ninja Iron Fast Food Chef on DVD. This one didn’t even make it to TV. It involves Japanese Fast Food chefs who have moved to the US competing in a kitchen arena similar to a McDonald’s or a Burger King, but they have weapons and stuff. The first team to make it to the kitchen and deep fry or grill at least 2 items wins and returns the following week. Apparently there are 32 teams to start. This is sure to be a cult classic!
August 21st, 2005 at 8:16 am
And the perennial classic: Paris Hilton. A Simple Life: (Season 16) Scrubbin’ for Neurosurgery.
October 15th, 2006 at 9:50 am
‘“You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix.” ‘ Yea, evil jokes. :) but funny, of course.