O O Ø O O O O
My Room Is Pink
The hotel I’m currently staying at (in?) is very nice. It’s a little older, but the rooms are quiet, the mattresses are firm, and the rate is decent. There’s a modern fitness centre, good restaurants, a free breakfast buffet, and I’m two minutes from my work site. And yet, I’m somewhat disturbed.
There was a “sleep sachet” on my bed when I arrived. Inside was a “moisturizing eyemask”, a set of pink earplugs, and a spray bottle of something called “lavender linen spray”. The alarm clock has a CD player, and beside it there’s a “Sleep Advantage” CD with tracks named “Cloudland Canyon” and “Starry Sea”. There’s about 10 different types of teas beside the coffee maker. The bathroom has a bunch of little bottles and boxes of crap I’ll never open with “Spa Select” labels.
Throughout the room the promotional materials and information brochures have pictures of a professional-looking woman sleeping soundly. By professional-looking, I mean she’s got the latest flip hairdo and is made up so perfectly you just know she’ll be ready for a night out as soon as she wakes up. There’s no men in evidence anywhere that I can see-not even on the hi-speed internet flyer-but at least “Spa Select” is capitalised.
I hope I’ve been put in the wrong room. I know that hotels are marketing to professional women, but I don’t think I’m one of them. The last time I checked I had outdoor plumbing, I have my own manly-branded Nivea for Men moisturizer (with Q10!), and I have no interest in buying a “Euro Sham” or “Sleep Pillows” from the hotel I’m staying at. They’re nice, but they’re not that nice, and I am still smarting from the reaction to the rubber ducks motif in my bathroom.
I certainly enjoy a quiet room, but everything else is a waste of effort and money on me. I understand the need to market to different demographics, but I think if you’re going to target by gender, you probably want to make sure you’re shooting in the right direction. Sure as hell I don’t want to smell like lavender in the morning.
Instead of free bottled water and 10 different teas, how about a shot of bourbon or a beer? Replace the $15 in “Spa Select” toiletries and bathroom accoutrements with any sports channel that shows something other than poker, or give me a free Sandler, Bond, or other movie of my choosing. If you’re going to use pictures of professional women, might I suggest using Jenna Jameson in the menu beside the burgers? Oh, and instead of the loofah-bathpuff-scrunchie looking thingee in the tub, just leave the seat up and put a comic book on the floor. I know I’m the demographic you don’t need to market to, but you could at least pretend.
I like my room just fine, I just want a different colour.
Kev Needham
October 18, 2005
OOØOOOODCCXXVI
October 19th, 2005 at 1:55 am
You sexist bastard. How dare you imply that the existing marketing campaign is gender-based. To do so would be politically incorrect, sexist, and, er, possibly true.
October 19th, 2005 at 9:27 am
Steal the loufah thingy…they’ll never suspect it was you because of your demographic!
October 19th, 2005 at 9:50 am
You know what a loufah is?
October 19th, 2005 at 10:25 am
I really hope they expect people to take/throw out the loofa thing. It is in a wrapper, and I would get royally skeeved out if it was shared between guests.
I was also trying to figure out if I was being sexist, or if the hotel was. It was half subtle sarcasm, especially the title, because I thought it was really interesting that a hotel would poof the room up as much as they did, which may or may not further alienate the demographic.
But hey, I’m male. What the fuck do I know? :)
October 20th, 2005 at 1:03 pm
I used to date a stripper, of course I know what a loofah is (even if I don’t spell it correctly)!
Great post Kev…I’ve never seen a hotel done up the way you describe. Yes they appear to be targeting a particular demographic (or two). It’s not your fault you are straight and masculine.
I just mentioned stealing the loofah because it’s so frilly in nature (I would hope they aren’t recycled). Take all of the swag and keep it in some obscure cabinet in case you ever bring a date home and need a way to entice her to stay and shower at your place. You will have all the amenities.
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October 21st, 2005 at 1:39 pm
Kev getting advice from Bighair on enticing a girl to stay over?
hmmm….
October 21st, 2005 at 6:12 pm
ur just not metrosexual enough, dude :)
October 23rd, 2005 at 11:18 pm
hahaha I landed on your blog while searching for a video clip of Brian Mulrony saying “Peter Newman… go f**k yourself!” I know you share a fondness with our political leaders while browsing where the search took me :)
Whut!, you don’t like poker???