O O Ø O O O O
Heart On
Boys, get your hearts on. It’s that day again. The day that strikes fear in our hearts and wallets. The day that reminds us what schmucks we are, and how most of our gender are utterly incapable of planning anything, even though we have an entire year’s worth of notice.
It’s VD. And not the easy get-a-drip, get-a-shot variety, either. This one is much tougher. It’s Valentine’s Day, and already I’m afraid.
Now, don’t be mistaken into thinking that today is “Saint” Valentine’s day. No, in stunning feat of numerological irony, the Catholic Church eliminated St. Valentine’s Day from it’s calendar of official Catholic holidays back in (ahem) ‘69. It seems that nobody knew who the actual Saint Valentine was. Sure, they managed to narrow it down to three people with names close to Valentine, but none of them really had anything to do with, well, anything.
What’s to fear? For some, Valentine’s is a day devoted to showing your significant other how you truly feel. Of course, if you’re not already doing that on a regular basis, then you likely won’t have to worry about that particular significant other for much longer. But still, a happy, uplifting idea of a day.
Except that most of us have no idea how to show someone how we feel. Television seems to indicate we should give things. But giving someone pre-killed flowers so that they can watch them die seems unnecessarily cruel; giving chocolate seems generic and trite; and giving something practical seems desperate, even materialistic. (Worse, it takes away a perfectly good birthday, anniversary, or Christmas gift, all of which are in perpetually short supply). It was easier in Elementary school, when we could just throw rocks, and pretend that teacher made us send the card.
In many ways, it’s easier if you’re single. Sure, you feel a little depressed when Singles Awareness Day comes and you have no-one to show for it. But on the other hand, (and if you’re so inclined) picking up on Valentine’s Day can be like shooting a fish in a barrel—with Grenades. I’m not saying you necessarily want to start a relationship on Valentine’s Day, but if you’re looking to bump uglies (and here I’m referring to the act, not passing judgment), the day has its merits.
Of course, if you’re particularly clueless, say, too wrapped up in raising puppies or publishing a weekly internet serial to think more than a few moments ahead, you may be tempted to give in, and make a pact with your significant other. A pact something along the lines of “VD is a blatantly commercial holiday. Let’s not participate in it this year.” Which seems pretty clever until someone comes along and asks your significant other:
“So, what’s you get for Valentine’s Day?”
It’s no wonder they kept beheading the guy.
Kjell Wooding
February 14, 2006
OOØOOOODCCXLIII
February 23rd, 2006 at 4:21 pm
What did she get for Valentine’s Day