O O Ø O O O O
Boy Waitress
Oh boy waitress. Why do you disappoint me so?
First off, I’m sorry. I just can’t refer to you as a waiter. A waiter is that snobby guy you get at the steak house. He hates you, you hate him. But you tolerate your mutual dislike because it’s part of the whole carnivore experience. This is a pub. It’s all about the like-like relationships. I like beer. You like to bring me beer. At least, you’re supposed to. See, that’s part of the problem.
Let’s see if I can illustrate this little problem with an example: the flyby. That’s the moment when you stop at the table on your way from somewhere else to check the status of our beer consumption. Except, you don’t. Your co-workers do, and that’s part of the problem. If you appear at our table, it’s because you’ve made a specific trip there, and inevitably, you’re 10 minutes too late. My beer has been empty for the duration, and I’ve been forced to stare uncomprehendingly at the bottom of my pint glass. Uncomprehendingly, because you are purportedly working for tips. You do want to sell more beer, right? You know that if you ask me if I’d like another beer when I have, say, 2 inches left in my glass that I’ll probably say “yes,” right?
I don’t think it’s my heterosexuality talking. Sure, it’s more comfortable having an actual girl waitress call me “hon,” but this is the 21st century. I can adapt, so long as my beer stays full. But it doesn’t. Not only that, you seem to actively fight the process. Let’s take another example: when you finally come to ask on the status of our consumption. What do you ask?
“You guys are okay, right?”
The problem with this approach is that it is always easier to agree with someone than disagree. Well, that, and we’re used to the question asked by every other waitress in the place:
“Another beer?”
So you shouldn’t be surprised if it takes us a few seconds to realize we need to phrase our replies in the negative. Unfortunately, by this time, you are usually gone. Which leads me to another little tip:
Try to at least break stride when you ask if we need a refill.
I hate to criticize. After all, my job in this little relationship is pretty straightforward. If there’s a beer in front of me, I drink it. Otherwise, I complain that there’s no beer in front of me. But the thing here is: with most of your co-workers, I do much more of the former, and very little of the latter. And I take my beer drinking fairly seriously.
How seriously, you ask?
Well, I did create a website about it. For moments just like this one.
Kjell Wooding
March 28, 2006
OOØOOOODCCIL
March 28th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
It might just be me but a pretty waitress or a waitress with personality is part of the experience. Maybe when the ladies show up they like the boy waitress so I can be fair and give them a turn, except I think they would like the great service we have come to expect as well so they probably have the same gripe. Maybe we should tip less? Of course if we have to train our boy waitress then it defeats the purpose of getting service and tipping. Besides then the girls get to flaunt the “training a man” thing in front of us which we really don’t need to hear. Damnit now I’m annoyed too. I hope we get a waitress tonight!
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March 29th, 2006 at 6:08 pm
The problem is nurturing. Women don’t have to learn how to nurture, it’s just programmed - like breathing. Those of us who lack this programming don’t become waitresses because serving people sickens us. Thus, most female waitresses are good at taking care of people. Guys have to LEARN nurturing. It takes learning, and the ability to do so. Now, how many people do you know who have the ability to learn decide that they are going to apply that skill to learning how to waitress? Sorry, but most of the good candidates are off doing something ELSE with their time. So, you’re stuck with mediocre male waitresses. If you can’t stand it, pour your own beer, save a tip.
March 30th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Well, whenever I jump behind the bar to start pouring, they tend to throw me out.