O O Ø O O O O
Regrets, I’ve Had A Few
I wish I had been nicer to my brother when we were teens, so I could say I took the high road, too.
I wish I could remember the summer of ‘92.
I wish I hadn’t taken the money, so my grandfather’s last memory of me would be something other than a thief.
I wish I had stayed in New York and done what was best for me, instead of what I thought was best for someone else (and me).
I wish I could tell my dad how much he meant to me every time I visit, instead of being annoyed by all the little, unimportant, irritating things he does.
I wish I could’ve controlled my temper when I played hockey, so I would have been worth the second look.
I wish I had the balls to go it alone, as everyone thinks I should.
I wish Dave could have used the brain on his shoulders instead of the brain in his pants in HS, it would’ve been a lot more fun if he had.
I wish Wayne Gretzky wasn’t quite as cool a person as he was, so he would’ve been called for that high stick instead of scoring the winning goal against the Leafs.
I wish I spoke French, as it’d be nice if I could.
I still wish I hadn’t imbibed an entire 26‘er of Bacardi, because after 21 years I still want to puke everytime I smell rum.
I wish I had finished my degree, so the filters and the people wouldn’t always weed me out for not doing so.
I wish Karen had listened to her friends and colleagues, instead of the people who told her how great she was.
I wish some of the people in my past had asked me how I felt, instead of making assumptions and acting on those instead.
I wish I still talked to my best. friend. evur.
I wish Scott Norwood had kicked the frickin’ ball a few inches to the left, so I would not have to listen to Denver fans tell me how much the Bills still suck.
I wish my little black cloud had stayed lost across the pond, instead of coming back to remind me it wasn’t going anywhere.
I wish I had remembered to check that I was actually wearing pants when I went for that bike ride, because the multi-coloured diamond underwear in the convenience store was pretty embarassing.
I wish Silicon Graphics had had the ability to market itself out of a paper bag; I’d probably still be there if it could have.
I wish I hadn’t been caught in Towers when I was twelve, as I’m pretty sure the three years it took off my life then will come in handy down the road.
I wish I could find something to be passionate about, again.
I wish I could do the bit justice.
I always used to say I had no regrets in life. I even used to believe it. I realise now that it’s bullshit, but I temper that with the fact that I am what I am, and every decision, no matter whether I think it was the right one or not, defines who I am. Sometimes that’s good, and sometimes that’s bad, but it’s all I really have to work with. I haven’t really been working with it lately, and that bothers me.
I thank y’all for putting up with me, and in particular this indulgence. I think it’s time for me to stop wishing, and start doing. Cheers, and good night.
Kev Needham
July 4, 2006
OOØOOOODCCLXI
July 11th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Hey Kev,
Thanks for the rants. It’s been a blast.
I’m sure there’s a lot of readers out there (probably completely unknown to you, who have been through the mill of life in a technical field and who have read your rants and thought ‘at least it’s not only me who feels that way’ It’s a comfort, at least.
We’ll certainly miss you. Go get ‘em, tiger.
Cheers,
Ciaran