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A Smoke-Free Pint Day
Office of the Mayor
The City of Calgary
P.O. Box 2100, Station M
Calgary AB T2P 2M5
Dear Mayor Bronconnier
I am writing to you on the occassion of the first Pint Day spent in a smoke-free Calgary bar.
I would like to preface my comments with the observation that as I approached the Ship & Anchor this Tuesday afternoon, I encountered our server outside the front doors, enjoying a cigarette. Mr. Bronconnier, this is an appropriate example we could use to describe the meaning of the word ironic. You have enacted a bylaw with the ostensible purpose of protecting hospitality workers from the unhealthy mannerisms of the beer-gooing public—and then these very workers proceed to inflict themselves with same.
If we weren’t dealing with individual liberties here, I would permit myself a bemused chuckle.
Since we are on the topic of liberty, I would like to take the remaining space in this column to close some ideological loopholes.
You have now established the precedent whereby private individuals can no longer enter private property—as workers or patrons—and treat their bodies as they see fit. Knowing this, I respectfully demand the following addendums to the current tobacco prohibition bylaw:
No smoking on any private property, including residences. Sometimes one smoking family member threatens the health of all the other family members. It’s evidently the duty of the Mother State (that’s you in your current role, Mr. Bronconnier) to take action to protect citizens from smokers in their own homes.
No dogs on private property. A dog could potentially harm someone on private property, such as a mailman, a neighbour, or a family member. Many dogs have sharp teeth, which have been clinically proven to be capable of inflicting mild to severe damange. Please save us, Mr. Bronconnier!
No peanuts on private property, anywhere. Many children are deathly allergic to peanuts, Mr. Bronconnier. Even a sniff can send some allergy sufferers into anaphylactic shock, severely threatening their lives. I think we can all agree that no one should have peanuts: they’re dangerous. The choice can’t be left to private individuals.
Please Mr. Bronconnier, if you can pry yourself away from whinging to the province for more infrastructure money, please resolve these deadly philosophical inconsistencies with your tobacco prohibition bylaw.
Evan Spence
January 2, 2007
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