O O Ø O O O O
Cough
It started with a cough.
I was sitting on the couch, catching up on the latest intrigue to make its way out of Hell’s Kitchen when I heard it—
harawk-hukk. hak. khaak.
It was my dog, Gus, doing his best imitation of a dog coughing up a lung.
I called him over, pried open his mouth, peered into the dark wetness of his throat, and wondered what the hell I was looking for. From the sound, I assumed he had either swallowed a tin can full of gravel, or a live chicken. Unfortunately, I saw neither — just sharp, white teeth and the distinct odour of last-week’s dog food, in poop form.
Making a note to clean the back yard, I did what any responsible pet owner would do under the circumstances:
“Maybe it’ll go away,” I thought, and reached for the remote control.
Kakk. Hurrahk-tuk
Gus proceeded to do his impression of a dog coughing up the other lung. I stared at him for a while longer, pondering the mechanics of mouth-to-nose resuscitation, then slowly put the remote control down.
Gus lay down and went to sleep.
“Good dog.”
I hoped it was temporary. Perhaps he had swallowed a bug on the way home from the park. Crossing my fingers, I silently vowed to wet down his food more, and reached again for the remote control, my fingers stopping just shy. I glanced again at Gus. Silence. Breathing a sigh of relief, I picked up the remote and pawed for the “play” button.”
khuk—
I vowed to call the vet in the morning.
The coughing contined all night. Eventually, I managed to get to sleep. Then, at around 4:30, the puking started. Awake at the sound of the first heave, I leapt out of bed in time to hear the second round starting. On my way around the first corner, I predictably caught the edge of the footboard mid-quad. Stifling a swear, I rounded the bend to Gus’ side of the room and promptly found his first puddle of bile with my left foot. I herded the dog into the bathroom and allowed him decorate my lovingly renovated en-suite. Three puddles later, Gus appeared to be slowing down. We headed downstairs for the safety of the kitchen linoleum.
“Wow, dog.”
Haruk-takk-khuk—
“C’mon, seriously, you can’t have any left.”
Hukk—
Fortunately, I had just stocked up on paper towel. Realizing his tummy wouln’t be up to much, I put on a pot of rice. Then I barricaded the dog into the kitchen, left a voice message for the vet, and went to work with a bottle of spot cleaner. By 4:55am, I had made it back up to the bedroom, just in time to hear the smoke alarm signaling that dinner was overdone. As I ran downstairs to extinguish the ex-rice, I had an out-of-body moment: it was five in the morning; my left foot was wet with bile; my thigh was bruised from the footboard; my house was filling with smoke and vomit; and I was about to invest in several hundred dollars worth of doggie meds to keep Gus from doing it all again tomorrow.
At that moment, I almost wondered whatever possessed me to get a dog.
Oh yeah. That was it.
Kjell Wooding
July 10, 2007
OOØOOOODCCCXXIX
July 10th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
You forgot the part where you paused to put on your underwear.xx
July 10th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
I didn’t want to alarm our readership. Some of them might have visualized. That, and I didn’t want to seem undignified.
(Yes. Bilefooted and bruised in a burning house is dignified. Bilefooted and bruised in a burning house in the buff is just plain ridiculous.)
July 11th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Incredibly cute pic!!!
July 12th, 2007 at 4:58 am
Ironically, I had my own 4:30am dog vomit experience this week–complete with soiled carpeting and bedding. You’re right, it’s a good thing those canine critters are cute!
August 20th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
We always forgive the cutie!
November 6th, 2007 at 10:05 am
hi there. so what was the cause of your pets cough? we have been going through a similar situation for two months. now $5000 later still no answer. if anyone out there has any imput please email me. teller0909@aol.com
November 6th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Honestly? I think he either swallowed a bug, (and injured his throat in the process - he did have his head out the window for about 12 hours the week prior), or picked up some type of bacteria at the dog (water) park. I kept him on bland, soft food until the coughing stopped, and gave him the requisite antibiotics.
I also made sure to use a harness that doesn’t apply pressure to his throat when we walk.
hope that helps?!