O O Ø O O O O
Rules of the Radio
So you want to run your own radio station? Apparently, CRTC regulations require you to follow these important rules for morning shows:
If you can avoid it, do not play any music. Instead, talk about the same inane thing for 3 hours because honestly, your listenership cares about your opinions. Remind your listenership every 10 minutes by starting with the phrase “This morning, we’re talking about X.” Don’t let it bother you that you know nothing about X. Simply state your inane opinion over and over again, and eventually, people will believe it.
Dumb things down. For instance, drop all “g”s from the ends of words ending in “ing.” This will increase your appeal to the masses, who obviously never learned to speak properly either. Hold clever contests like “Stump the DJs with your questionin’ about stuff” because it would never occur to them that you would have access to IMDB or Google from your control room.
Never let the female members of your morning show do anything but report the traffic, news, and laugh at the hilarious antics of the “real” (male) DJs. While you’re at it, be sure to include as much sexist content as possible. In particular, talk about “which chicks are hot,” and make jokes about “fatties.”
Never change your radio promo spots. It’s not like your listenership tunes in to your station every day, so it couldn’t possibly irritate them if you played the same spots over, and over, and over.
Make up commercials and/or hilarious songs and skits. Your listenership will love you for it. See also rule #1.
Kjell Wooding
May 29, 2007
OOØOOOODCCCXXIII
May 30th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
You, uhm, still listen the radio?
May 30th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I’m in Canada man. We don’t even have TIVO yet.
June 1st, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Tivo not required. Torrent provides a bounty of consumable media product.
June 1st, 2007 at 9:37 pm
BTW, you forgot a couple things on your list
6) Have at least two songs on your playlist that get played EVERY HOUR. People who listen at work love that. CJAY92, I’m looking at you!
7) Play ads that involve screaming/singing/shrieking children.
8) Play ads that force your listeners to switch stations (see #7 for an example)
June 4th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Torrent? But I want it NOW
June 4th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
A TIVO would take an hour to get the program, and it would have 18 minutes of commercials embedded in it…