O O Ø O O O O
Canada Day
What do Canadians have to be proud of?
- Smarties
- Crispy Crunch & Coffee Crisp
- The size of our footballs, football fields and one less down
- Baseball is Canadian
- Lacrosse is Canadian
- Hockey is Canadian
- Basketball is Canadian
- Apple pie is Canadian
- Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
- Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin’ Donuts ass
- In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back past their ‘White House’. Then we burned it and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied. Go figure.
- Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
- We have the largest English population that never surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.
- Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
- The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing, but showed up just in time to get caught.
- We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
- The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the Earth’s surface and is still around as the world’s oldest company.
- The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under three minutes.
- We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
- We don’t marry our kin-folk.
- We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year
- We all have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
But most importantly:
- The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.
Oh yeah, and our elections only take one day.