Holiday Tips For Architects

  1. Several months before the proposed holiday, make sure all your vacational qualifications are in order. Prepare an Architect’s Schedule of Holiday and check it with your insurers before submitting it to other family members for approval.
  2. Consultation (with Brochures) should be carried out in a professional manner. Liability should be limited by excluding:
    • destinations lacking items of demonstrable architectural interest,
    • anywhere not mentioned in the Observer’s travel section, and
    • anywhere recently bombed by the US, unless a “working holiday” is planned.
  3. Sole vacationers are reminded that speculative holidays are undertaken at the discretion of the architect, and may not necessarily result in getting paid while you’re away.
  4. Architects unable to take a holiday are advised to find a reliable local practitioner who is prepared to act as a holiday locum, sending postcards on your behalf and sub-contracting mild forms of gastric flu.
  5. Before departure remember to cancel newspapers, milk and dress sense.
  6. On arrival at the hotel, inform staff and other guests of your occupation. This will allow them time to prepare for intelligent discourse in the dining room.
  7. If self-catering, remind family members of your occupation in order to secure and maintain control of the itenerary.
  8. If holidaying alone, remind yourself of your occupation by smiling occasionally into the bathroom mirror in an urbane manner.
  9. Once you’ve unpacked, start sketching. If it is too dark to sketch the landscape, simply sketch everything you’ve unpacked.
  10. When holidaying in the UK, wake up two hours earlier than your partner and secretly study the local volume of Pevsner’s The Buildings of Britain. Make sure you leave in a hurry after breakfast and “forget” to bring it with you. During the day, offer insights into and analysis of every building you “stumble across.” Later, over dinner, you and your partrner can check in Pevsner to see if you were right.
  11. Seek out local exhibitions of art. Examine each piece carefully. Maintain an enigmatic aura. Leave without saying anything to anyone.
  12. When setting up your easel at a popular beauty spot make sure the RIBA crest is clearly visible, so passers-by know with whom they’re dealing.
  13. Wear appropriate clothing. Tips for men: novelty blouson, khaki shorts with lots of pockets, knee-length socks. Women: fluorescent money-belt, 1950s cotton print dress, hiking boots.
  14. When in Italy, do spend hours taking a single photograph because “I wait for the right kind of light, my friend.” Say it in Italian, it’s charming.
  15. When settling a restaurant bill, scribble a vivacious “urban scene” with your fountain pen next to your signature. It will delight the staff, and may be left in lieu of a tip.
  16. Audit all boat trips, guided tours and areas of outstanding natural beauty for sustainability and WC provision.
  17. When camping, enunciate.
  18. If you’re intending to spend time on a beach, calculate the projected sweep of the sun with a mini-sextant before erecting a self-designed polymer parasol.
  19. Do not arrive too early when catching a train/plane/coach/boat. Remember you are an architect. It will not leave without you.
  20. On your return, be aware that everyone you know, however slightly, will be keen to see your slides. Those who are unable to attend the official slide show should be sent a full set of images as email attachments. Do not compromise your professional standing by compressing them too much. Each is a defining moment and worth at least two megabytes.

pintday.org » Fresh every Tuesday.