How To Make A Muffin

Start with a bran muffin, aged for approximately two weeks
Age for an additional couple of weeks
Wrap with celophane
Add duct tape and age for several months
Wrap with Australian Ouback packing tape
Spray with artist's fixative — apply, then thoroughly skewer the packaging with a needle
Using a permanent marker, draw an approximation of the radioactive warning symbol, and write the slogan “Homer Simpson Seal of Approval”
Age several months
Apply blue electrical tape and age several more months
Apply black electrical tape and one Archer Resources sticker
Age quietly for several months
Apply one They Might Be Giants sticker and one Pembina sticker
Age
Add adhesives to taste, or as necessary
Age quietly for life